From T:
I opened the cable bill today, Total: $235. Our bill is usually in the $120 range. I looked at the statement, during the week I was gone for spring break, there were a total of 9 porno movies ordered. Three of us were gone, only one of our roommates stayed. When I asked him about it, he said, he had friends over, but he doesn’t remember watching any pornos. Well, he better get the money from his friends. Who still pays for porn?
Only in College…
From JD:
It was 2:30 in the morning, I decided to take a study break. My roommate was dead asleep, his laptop was on, and he takes all his class notes on it. So I decided to have some fun with it, I googled a program where I can set certain keys to turn his music on. I proceeded to download Christina Aguilera’s “Genie in a Bottle,” and set that song to play when he hit a combination of keys (apple option arrow to be exact – to highlight words).
Later that morning, I get a text from him, “i applaud you, im going to kill you now. it went off in the middle of class and my prof stopped his lecture and singled me out. ps. now the whole class thinks i’m gay.”
Only in College…
From Oops:
My girlfriend decided she wanted to stay in last Thursday night, so I went out without her. Cut things short, I drunk texted her that I wanted to see her later that night. She told me she wanted to sleep, but my persistence paid off. My drunken ass got to her dorms. Her door is always unlocked, I got into her bed, and started flirting with her in the dark. When I started kissing her, I tasted alcohol in her breath, I thought it was just me. I went for her breasts, did they grow? I looked closely at the girl, HOLY CRAP, this isn’t my girlfriend, I went into the wrong room. The girl was obviously drunker than I was, I sneaked out of the room and made my way to my girlfriend’s. This time, I doubled checked it was her. I don’t think her hallmate remembers a single thing.
Only in College…
From Jim:
Last night, I woke up to a bunch of rumbling noise in the kitchen. When I walked into the kitchen, I saw my roommate pissing into the fridge with a Gatorade in his hand. Of course, he doesn’t remember a single thing the next morning. Let’s just say he is buying the roommates groceries next time, a lot of groceries. Oh, and our fridge smells like piss now.
Only in College…
From Wako Kid:
It all started on thirsty Thursday, me and my friend decided we were going to get real fucked up. So we went to the liquor store and we bought a 12 pack of Michelob Ultra and a handle of the cheapest whiskey we could buy. When we got back to the dorms we started drinking and playing video games, I started to get a little drunk, and a little tired as well. Just as any good friend would do he called me a pussy and told me to fill up the beer bong with whiskey, and put some caffeine pills in the whiskey. Being the dumb ass that I am, I agreed to do this.
After drinking the end of my college career away out of a beer bong; my friend and I walked to the campus center. We went up stairs, and I stole the college banner and my friend stole a bible and threw it out a window after ripping it up. One of the RAs was in the campus center he came upstairs and wrote us up the first time. After having some choice words to say we left.
This is when we found out that security had been called. When we found this out we decided to run to a nearby park. We ran all the way to what we thought was a public park, but we were so drunk that we had stopped in someones backyard and sat in their play set. We chilled in the playset for 2 or 3 hours. When we left we decided we didn’t like the playset so we tipped that mother fucker over.
When we got back to school we decided that we had got in enough trouble for the night so we went to bed. Just to be woken up by our other crazy ass friends that had been at the bar all night. They ask us if we wanted to go smoke outside. I just couldnt say no and stayed in be, so we went outside to smoke, and right where we were smoking happened to be a bike rack with 2 bikes on it. One of my friends took one of the bikes and started riding it around campus. Then my other friend took the whole damn bike rack and threw it in the fucking trees with one bike still on it.
This is when the same RA came out and caught us destroying the bike that just happened to be his bike. My friend that had been riding the bike jumped off real fast and picked the damn bike up over his head, and started running down the street like a retard on cocaine.
This is when we finally did go to sleep. We woke up knowing we were in some deep shit. I was afraid to leave my dorm. I got a letter in the next week that said that I had to meet with the dean of students. I knew I was going to get in a shit load of trouble. When I went to the meeting he said that i had been wrote up 6 times that night and i needed to pack my bags and go home. I couldnt believe what had just happened.
So now i am a 18 year old homeless person living in my truck.
So you think you party hard!!!!
Only in College…
From W:
Our sink has never really worked, it was somewhat bi-polar. Finally, it was starting to break down. During my stressful and hectic finals week, the cold water would not run properly; when you were done, you’d have to toggle with the facuet otherwise it keeps dripping or keeps running. None of my roommates nor me wanted to use the cold water, which means u have a 3 second limit on washing ur hands because your skin can’t take that much hot scorching water.
While i was home alone, frustrated and stressed, I sidekicked the faucet (note: the faucet is a swan head so its long and curved) so i bent the entire thing. I decided to fix it by sidekicking it from the other way until it was straight again. It looked fine, so I thought I fixed it.
So during one of the days of my finals, I get woken up at 7/8 am to 2 people walking around our ground floor knocking on people’s doors (note: our apartment was like a hotel, there was a lobby, and the walls were paper thin). Finally they walk back and forth and finally get to our door and say “Yeah this, MUST be the one. This has to be it.”
I answer the door to 2 mexican workers, “Helloooo” they say, resembling the way a mexican would say “hooolaa…” They explain that there is a leak, a really bad leak in the garage and that they needed to check out our unit to see where its coming from. They go around our complex and soon to discover what I had done to the sink. They spent 2 hours there, calling places to look for these special parts. I left to go take my exam, I come back an hour later, and they were still there.
They eventually gave up, told me they are going to have to order the parts from the manufacturer. I went to go take a shower, turn on the faucet…to brown water. Oh, and the sink never got fixed even by the time i graduated.
Only in College…
From W:
I went to a college in a deranged hippy town (think, there aren’t many in this country). So we lived in a really nice hotel looking apartment, not knowing that the room next door was especially given to people with problems. Its like government sponsored, so every neighbor that lives there has issues. We moved in and found out that the guy living next to us tapes garbage bags over all windows and has a a split personality. He’s very courteous to everyone…that’s if he remembers to take his medications otherwise hes drooling and spazzing out and banging his head on our door in paranoia saying that “someone is out to kill him” aside from the 2 am “Fights with himself.”
These fights consist of him yelling at someone and fighting himself. One day, he spazzes out while i go across the street to get a sandwich, I come back and I see him right next to my door lurking back and forth with his head tilted sideways like he’s schizo, mumbling a lotta random crap to all of us. I tell myself to ignore him and walk up to my door. Of course it’s locked this time. The one time it’s locked, so i take out my keys and of course i cant get it to open while he’s just staring at me, talking to himself. I finally get in and my roommate is on the phone with the cops. He first banged on our door and told us to help him. My roommate quietly bolt locked the door and unfortunately he heard that, snapped, and started banging his head on our door saying, “Why don’t I just kill myself now.”
A few months later, after several reports from us telling police that he steals bicycles, repaints them and sells them, he finally gets kicked out. Only to be replaced by a really, really aggressive drunk man who yells, “THERES NOTHING WRONG IWTH MEEEEEE” at 3 am at the top of his lungs.
Only in (a Crazy/Hippy) College…
From Blain:
I was out to dinner with a girl who I had the hots for. I was taking her back to my place for the first time and my roommates knew it. Dinner couldn’t have gone any better than it did. We were back at my place just relaxing, and she asked me to show her my room. I was so pumped at this point. Well, I open the door and Brokeback Mountain is playing on my TV, with the DVD case on my bed. It was the love making scene in the tent… On my wall were 3, I kid you not, THREE different brokeback mountain posters. I was at a loss for words, completely the last thing I expected.
Only in College…
From Michelle:
I woke up to some loud noises in my living room. It was 3:30am and I go out there to investigate and find my neighbor Devon and a girl getting it on. I originally feared I was being robbed! When I finally grasped what was occurring, I just laughed, kicked them out, and went back to sleep.
Only in College…
From T:
We were playing kegball yesterday afternoon to start off the day. But we decided to put a keg on not just second base, but first, and third as well. We put the kegs into the trash cans, but I guess the parents figured out why we had a cup in each of our hands. They decided to call the cops on us. The cops were not so friendly, we all got tickets for drinking on public property. We didn’t even get to finish our game, so we decided to bring the kegs back to my house and throw a party instead. Full blast music going on, beer pong and flip cup going on at the same time. At around eleven, someone loudly knocked on our front door, I went to get the door. I couldn’t believe it, the same cop that gave us our tickets at the park was standing again in front of me. The first thing he said, “Oh, it’s you again” and hands me another ticket. This time, it’s “noise violation.”
Only in College…
From Mark H:
One night during freshman year, we came up on some bottles of booze and henceforth packed in as many people as possible. Before we knew it there were 20+ people crammed in my dorm room, partying like rock stars. You should have seen the look on the RA’s face when he came in to investigate. He looked like a deer in headlights.. definitely the most people he had ever seen fit into one room. We all got written up but nothing serious happened. He quoted safety hazards, violation of alcohol blah blah. It was a great time.
Only in College…
From Darren:
My friend and I were on campus getting some food. We sat down and started talking about girls. My friend started telling me all the dirty things he would do to a certain girl. Well, that girls best friend was one table behind us and heard everything. He now has a 0% chance of ever hooking up with her.
Only in College…
