From Anonymous:

Your typical story at the bars. Your typical story of hooking up with someone. However, not your typical morning. I woke up this morning, still intoxicated and grabbed what I thought was my keys. Well, turns out they weren’t mine. We just have the same keychain. I don’t know her, now I have her keys and she has mine. I don’t even really remember what apartment number she lives at.

Only in College…

From Chandler:

We were playing centurion (1 shot of beer a minute for 100 minutes), but with a twist. There were a few people doing it with wine, but we were just on the beer. Now one guy, manages his way through 87 shots of cask wine. In 87 minutes. Someone actually ended up taking the wine from him, because they were worried he’d end up dying. Needless to say, he managed to total a room, smash a whole lotta bottles inside the room, and make the dean cry – she’s a big lady… Funnily enough, this guy was also the student club president

Now onto my section of the story. We were just drinking beer, but we got our 100, and there were a few quite keen to kick on. So we decided to go til the last man standing. Not the smartest thing I’ve ever done. I awaken, an hour or two later, to the sound of beating on my then locked door. I’m in bed, and the lights are off, still horrendously drunk. They’re like “CHANDLER, OPEN THE DOOR NOW!”. Eventually I dragged my ass outta bed, opened the door, and they’re like – you’re going to the hospital, now. I didn’t understand, until they showed me the bathroom, and I looked in the mirror. At some point, after reaching onehundredandeightysomething shots of beer, things got really messy. Shit started getting thrown around. I decided to launch some chairs out a third story window. And my printer. Then, I ran into another guy’s room, threw a pizza everywhere, and sprinted out. Unfortunately, I sprinted out far too quickly, turned into the corridor, and ran straight into a cabinet.

At this point, the relevance of me seeing the bathroom comes into play. Now, I’d gone straight to the bathroom after I’d hit it, to survey the damage (couldn’t remember any of this). There was blood, everywhere. And I mean everywhere, the mirror, the basins, the floor, the walls, and plenty of it. I look in the mirror, and I’m covered in blood, with a heap of toilet paper sticky taped to my forehead.

12 stitches later…

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

My friend’s exboyfriend goes to UNK. He is in a frat and all of the members that night were trippin on shrooms and real real drunk when they decided to go out for a car ride. They stopped at the woods and found an ogre, so they took it home and were playing with this ogre all night. When they were done they put it in a closet. The next morning they were all like “what the fuck happened last night, I remember playing with an ogre or something!”

So they go to the closet and find this little boy with down syndrome! They took him back to highway and dropped him off and made an anonymous call to the cops from a payphone saying they saw a little boy walking down the highway. Turns out the kid was kidnapped a week before and his kidnapper left him in the woods. The cops came and got him and he got home safely…great story.

Only in College…

From Brandon:

Every semester I receive a 4.0 I get a $2,000 bonus from my internship. I decided to study all night for my last 2 finals to get that extra cash. Monday night I studied like crazy for my marketing final, only to find I studied for the wrong one. Now I’m hoping for a passing grade!

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

With finals week done and my mind back up to speed after a lot of booze consumption. I’d like to share this story.

This last semester I had to take a tough java programming class required for my major. It was widely whispered that about 30% of the students taking this class will fail. This is not because of the students, but because of how the professor has the grading scale and curve set up. Needless to say nobody likes the class or the little bitch of a professor. It was apparent after the 1st week of class when the class size was essentially cut in half.

I was sitting at a C+ when the final came and I knew I had to keep that if I wanted to pass. It was a 7pm final so I had all day to clear my head. I go in, sit next to the nerdiest looking person (naturally) and the test begins. About 10 minutes in this guy on the other side of the lecture hall stands up, makes the proclamation of “Fuck you Professor ******, and fuck this test!”, rips his test in half, throws both pieces as high in the air as he could, and runs out screaming this really high shrilling sound as one of the TAs/Proctors tries to follow him. One Proctor down, only 2 others and the Professor to go. About 10-15 minutes later I notice a shaking sound coming from the door on the opposite side of the lecture hall. About 15 people and I could see into the hall from the angle we had on the door and it was some random ass guy. Shrugging it off and trying my best to pass, I look back over to the door between questions and notice the face of a werewolf. Next thing you know this “werewolf” more like an extremely overweight guy in a werewolf mask (he was only wearing the mask) jumps in the room and gives out this “HOOWWWLLL!!” He then runs to the center of the room, right next to the professor flailing his arms and legs, a very party-boy-esque dance, howling the whole time. The two remaining proctors come racing down the aisles, the werewolf gets on his horse and runs out the door, the professor and proctors not very far behind.

Now I’ve only done something considered academically dishonest once before. But I took the opportunity to again cheat and as the dork was laughing next to me I copied his answers to Qs 10,12,14-20, and 23 (Thanks buddy). I did really well on the test and passed the class.

Only in College…

From Wright 9:

Before heading out one night I had the great idea of getting a subway sandwich to put in the fridge to accommodate my drunken munchies that I was going to get upon returning from a night out. After coming back completely trashed I really didn’t want to eat alone so I roamed the halls, sandwich in hand, and listened for sounds coming from rooms. As luck would have it, the two hottest girls on my floor were still awake, and unfortunately, sober enough to remember everything.

I made my way into their room and creepily asked them both out for sushi, in the same sentence. If that weren’t bad enough I kept going on and on as to how hot they were and how I thought they were each “very nice girls”. At some point they tried to get rid of me because of my drunken buffoonery and I put my sandwich in one of their desk drawers and went across the hall to take a leak in the girls bathroom. When I finished, I realized that they had locked me out. I began pounding on the door (It was now around 3:30AM) and asked them for my sandwich, to which they replied that I took it with me. Eventually I gave up on the sandwich and went to bed.

The next morning I wake up and end up in the elevator with both of them. All they can do is laugh when they see me and ask me when we were going to get sushi (because they both agreed to go out with me to get me out of their room). For the rest of the year I didn’t live this down. Sure was a fun night though.

Only in College…

From Sarah:

Being a hot day, my friends and I decided to go play football in our school’s fountain…in our bikinis. After a while, we were attracting a crowd. Trying to look hot, I tried to make an amazing catch but tripped and lost my balance, hitting my head and losing my top in the process. We had to call it quits due to my clumsiness. I don’t know what was worse, my bruised/bloody cheek or my ego.

Only in College…

From Happy Guy:

I’ll do this brothermarcus style with the numbers. On a fall evening in a college campus in the Boston area:

1) Getting back from a full day of chemistry lab, I sit in the lounge to read an interesting book on the nature of time.

2) I am distracted by my friends yelling at me from outside, and I go to join them in smoking out of a hookah. My friend who set up the hookah is a nargillah master, and we have a scenic view, and there are a bunch of hot Turkish and French girls smoking hookah who we proceed to hit on.

3) My friend decided to get a shitload of alcohol and set up a private party in his room. We all proceed to get drunk.

4) Its about 12:00 and I’m really drunk and go outside for a smoke. A random, really really hot chick comes up to me and starts making out with me. The guy she is with comes up, and it turns out he is not her boyfriend but her friend. In any case, she turns around and begins puking, and I lose interest. But the group seems cool, and there are some other hot girls, so I invite them to the party.

5) At about 1:00, me and a couple of kids I just met go out to an abandoned dorm room to smoke. Coming out, we meet some chick who apparently has the hots for one of the guys with us, so she invites us back to her room, along with her hot Asian friend and several others, to listen to Israeli psy-trance and have her belly-dance for us, which she is apparently really good at.

6) We end up playing a game of strip-Jenga, where whenever someone knocks over the tower, their team have to remove an article of clothing. Within a couple of hours we are all naked and begining to play a giant game of naked spin the bottle.

7) The party just turns into a giant fuckfest, and we end up going to sleep at like 5 am. The hot Asian girl I was with has to get up to go on some trip or something at 6 am, so we wake up at 5:50, have a quicky, and I leave to head back to my dorm. Turns out I cant really find my clothes, so I end up walking back to my dorm, with only my boxers on and my shoes in my hand, in the cold October morning. I get back to my dorm, where, despite the fact that it is already light out, my roomates are still taking shots and there are some girls in the room. We hit on them, set off some firecrackers for some strange reason, run back to the room, smoke some weed, and fall asleep.

Quite possibly the most fun I’ve ever had in one night.

Only in College…

From R:

Last halloween, my friend throws a big house party, I have no idea how many people came and went because I started drinking 2 hours before everyone. It was a McDonald’s themed party because the week before some of his friends stole a McDonald’s sign that was down off the pole for repair. Yea, the ones that sits like 50ft up in the air. They had that in the backyard all light up.

Anyways, the party gets going big and there are all sorts of costumes. Long story short, after many shots and a keg stand where they dropped me and hit my head on the concrete and laughed at it. I ended up trying to sleep in my car but dropped my keys under my car and couldnt get in so I decided to fall asleep next to my car.

I woke up to two fire trucks on the street. I found out that the McDonald’s sign in the backyard caught on fire because we wired it up wrong, basically we took an extension cord cut it and spliced it together. Oops, maybe we shouldn’t have done that drunk.

Oh and I was the cat in the hat.

Only in College (Alabama)…

From Cara:

My friends and I wanted to save a bunch of money by cramming 10 people into a ford Taurus. Cop drove by us, turned around, and pulled us over. $55 ticket for a seat belt violation each. So much for saving money.

Only in College…

From Scar For Life:

My freshman year, we were having an informal party at my house, and I noticed that one of my friends was in his room with a girl. I was half drunk and felt like being an ass, I went and pounded on his door. He came out to yell at me, and I ran down the hall towards the bathroom.

Earlier, someone had vomited in the doorway to the bathroom, so I leaped over it. I’m about 6 foot 2″, and when I leaped, I clipped my head on the doorjamb, and knocked myself out. In the process of falling, I also split my elbow open. So, now I’m laying on the floor, only partially concious, with a gaping wound on my head. People are around me trying to stop the bleeding at this time. Then, another guy came to the bathroom to vomit, but there were people in the way. He took one look at me and promptly puked all over me.

The EMS showed up, but they let me go to the hospital with one of the semisobers there. 7 staples and 8 stitches later, I had to call my folks and explain the whole thing to them. I still have a nice scar on my head from that incident. Oh, this all happened on Valentine’s day.

Only in College (Cal Poly)…

From My BDay:

Key Points:

1. drink 1 liter of 151 with my brother in my dorm room
2. go to bar, run into a guy i went to high school with
3. go to his frat, find out about a party
4. walk to said party
5. have a midget light my bong
6. have an asian hooker throw cheez-its at me, for an unsettling amount of time
7. witness a rat being immolated on a barbeque grill
8. realize i’m f****d and about 2 miles from my dorm at 3am in january (reaaaally cold)
9. convince a gas station clerk to my brother and I to warm up while walking home, she hits on my brother, we score free hot dogs.
10. somehow wake up in my dorm room 9 hours later

Only in College…