From Anonymous:

While out to eat, my friends and I got a text saying there was a small cook out at a house pretty close to school. It was a pretty easy decision. It was a beautiful day, we had nothing to do, and we all really needed a drink. So we get our friend to run to the liquor store and pick up a bottle of JOSE CUERVO, and some margarita mix. We made ourselves some frozen treats and casually began sipping on them. Then I opened my dumb mouth. “Wouldn’t it be funny to be fucked up by 5?” Well, my silly friends decided that my slightly buzzed idea was brilliant and we started pounding margaritas. Next thing I know, my friend Liz and were up next at beer pong. We started off fairly strong…but man did we end up losing miserably. We hung out for a little bit and made the decision to walked back to the dorms, sobered up, and went out to the club. That theory was great!!! Too bad a slightly crazy, amazing, and tragic thing happened on our way back.

You see, our friend wasn’t the only one using the amazing weather as an excuse to get drunk in the middle of the day. His neighbors had friends over with exactly the same intention. The only difference was his neighbors were somewhere between 30 and 40. Now us 3, fairly drunk bordering on shitfaced, girls walk by their house and going on middle aged neighbors invite us up for a beer. Now what college freshman turns down a freshly opened bottle of beer? We said we would only stay for one beer, we said we would drink, be social and then leave. Again, ANOTHER great theory. We ended up drinking a beer or two before someone broke out the weed. Now I ask again, how many college freshmen do you know that will pass up a chance to get smoked up? We all take a hit or 2 or 3 and get extremely fucked up. At this point we begin referring to these people as the old hippies and we drink more of their beer. Well, slowly, friend after friend started leaving until there were just me and my roommate. Now apparently I fell a sleep on the old hippies couch, woke up, put on my sunglasses, walked back to my hall, talked to about 10 of my friends, and went to bed around 10:30. Now I don’t remember that at all, the next thing I knew it was 3:30 in the morning and I was fully awake with one of the worst hangovers I’ve ever had in my life. Went outside for a cigarette and saw all of my friends in the same boat.

Only in College…

From S.L.I.B.:

After attending numerous house parties during my freshman year, I couldn’t wait to host my own parties once I had my own place. My sophomore year we got our own apartment in an area on campus known for all the sophomore parties. We started out having gatherings with just our friends, but then realized how much money we could start making on weekends by having parties and charging for cups. It soon became a business for us. We had one roommate on cup control, one roommate on crowd control, one roommate on door patrol, one roommate on sober patrol. We even had our boyfriends on cop look out duty.

We were running a business, and were pretty good about keeping under the radar. It was fun but it was a decent amount of work and our fun really started after everyone left.

One night after a successful party of about 50-75 people, some of us had thrown a pizza in and were having a dance party while others were already headed to bed. During the party, someone had opened one of our windows, but we hadn’t noticed because the shades were drawn. So our music could clearly be heard….by the cops that were passing by our apartment building. Apparently some drunk girl (from the party next door) had stumbled out to the front yard and was puking and someone called her into the cops.

The cops suspect she came from the apartment that was blaring the loud music. They get into our building and start pounding on our door. Like the drunk idiots we are, we shut off the music and don’t answer the door. We finally let them in after threats from the police officers that they’ll guarantee that they’ll get us in as much trouble as they can if we don’t let them in.

Keep in mind our apartment is a townhouse style apartment. There are three levels and we usually just party on the three levels. The 5 police officers come in expecting a HUGE party but only find about 5 people downstairs. Of course, there are empty solo cups and 2 empty kegs in the living room.

So they pound up the stairs expecting to find 40 people hiding in the bedrooms. When they would find sleeping people they would yell “are you naked?… alright get downstairs!!”. All together there were about 8 people actually still in the apartment, 4 of which were 21.

They lined us all up on the couch and started taking our information and then….. **ding**…… the pizza was done. One of the girls pops up and apologizes to the cops explaining that we had put in a pizza before they got here. She disappears into the kitchen. But instead of taking out the pizza and coming right back into the living room, we hear drawers opening and closing and the familiar sound of pizza crust crumbling. She reappears in the living room and says: “I’m really sorry, i’m just super hungry…. want a piece?” and the cop responded “No…I prefer doughnuts from the corner shop.”

We got off with a warning…and we never held a party for profit again.

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

Sometime in the first semester, I ran into a girl from one of my classes at a party. We chatted, and after a few drinks, we started getting really touchy/feely. At some point, we both went to the bathroom, where we ended up in a hot and heavy hook up session. Seeing as it was the only bathroom at the party, people started banging on the door telling us to hurry up. It was at this point that the girl I was with said she felt sick and started vomiting. At the same time, someone had gotten the owner of the house who proceeded to kick in the bathroom door. About 2 dozen people saw me with my pants down, with a full on boner, watching my topless hook up puke her brains out. Let’s just say I had A LOT of explaining to do.

Only in College…

From Clifford:

My housemates and I decided to throw a big Halloween party. We had a perfect party house, so everybody was excited. The party itself was a blast. Multiple kegs, tons of people… it was a great time. That is, until some god damn hooligans threw a HUGE table off of our 2nd story balcony. It’s not really that big of a deal that the table was ruined. It was more the fact that it crashed straight through the windshield of our housemates car. When I say housemates car, I mean the ONLY people in the entire house that were against having the party and subsequently did not participate in it.

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

We live on the top floor of an old 3 story house. I am not exaggerating, the stairs to our floor look like they are about to fall apart any second. When we walk in our apartment, our neighbors downstairs probably wanted to kill themselves. It made the most obnoxious noises ever, if you were blind folded, you would probably thought you were in a haunted house because of the cracking and squeaking noises. But hey, I’m not complaining, rent is cheap.

Last night, we had a party at our apartment to celebrate the beginning of summer. We had about 25-35 people over. Fast forward to sometime after midnight. Some girl decided to show her dancing skills off on our living room’s coffee table, two girls decided to join her. About 30 seconds later, one girl went flying off. I thought one of the legs broke on the coffee table, but nope, the leg was still in intact, the leg punctured through the flooring. Pretty sure, our neighbors want to kill us.

I haven’t called the landlord yet, I’m not sure if my neighbors will rat me out to the landlord. I’m still thinking of what to say…

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

On this particular Saturday night, my friend and I were staying in to study for a killer exam we had on Monday. At about 3 am, we heard a bang at my door. We could hear someone fumbling around for the door knob and after awhile, my roommate stumbles into the room wearing one shoe, no pants, and torn up fishnets. She looks at us, smiles a huge smile, and then walks back out the door.

About 2 seconds later, we hear a huge bang. Fearing the worst, my friend and I sprint to the hallway where we see my roommate, fishnets at her ankles, attempting to climb into a large trash can. Upon seeing us, she quickly exclaims she doesn’t need any help, pulls her tights back up, and walks back into the room, where she proceeds to put a mini bag of popcorn in the microwave. After nearly burning it, she lays down in her bed and begins eating. I look over two seconds later, and she’s passed out.

The next morning, she wakes up and asks me why she woke up covered in popcorn. I don’t know what was more amusing: seeing this escapade unfold or watching her reaction as I told it back to her.

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

After class one day, my art teacher asked me if I would like to model nude for one of her studio art class. She is a really nice lady, she told me about the class (class focused on individual set of muscles, and the model would strike a few poses for about fifteen minutes each). I would be reimbursed for my time obviously. I asked her if I could think about it and that I would get back to her by next class.

I did not have a problem with being nude, after all, I’ve been to plenty of nude beaches in Europe. The problem I have is the idea I might develop an erection during the poses which would be quite embarrassing. I contacted one of my friends who I knew has done a few nude posing for art classes for suggestions. He tells me to make sure I masturbated before going in.

Fast forward a couple of days. I made sure I took all the precautionary measures. I went into the classroom, greeted by my professor. There were about 10-15 students. The first pose was concentrated on my back. I felt more at ease when I heard this because they would not be able to see the front of my body. However, the next pose was the deal breaker. I was asked to sit in a chair with my elbows propped up on a table, so I was basically facing the students. I tried to keep my mind off my penis as much as possible. I tried to think about as much random stuff as possible, from food to lanterns (yes, lanterns).

It didn’t help because I then realized a really pretty artist which only worsen things. I tried to stay calm, but I could not help myself making eye contact with her. Before I know it, I had a full erection. The class did not seem to care, but I’m pretty sure my face was red.

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

This is a story from a while back, but it’s a good one. I was a frosh, week two of school in DC. I was rushing a frat and they threw a party – the standard ‘let’s get drunk and tear the house apart’ kind of thing. Standard. it was fun, but nothing exciting. At some point after beer 15 or so, a few of the brothers and their girlfriends decide to go across the street to their apartment to order late night italian subs. I was sleeping with a girl that one of those brothers had a crush on, and I think to make me jealous of his fairly hot girlfriend he invited me along to order a sandwhich. A) I wasn’t jealous but more importantly B) after ordering my sandwhich I passed out on the floor of their bathroom for about an hour. When I woke up, everybody had passed out and it was about 4 in the morning. I called the campus shuttle service to come pick me up and take me back to my dorm, and just before I slammed the door, realized I should have a italian floating around somewhere – checked the fridge… yup – fucking awesome. So I take the sandwhich and start to eat it in the elevator as I go down.

Now, usually the shuttle is a silly dodge van that drives around, but after 4 (I didn’t know this) they shut down the vans and send campus-police as the shuttle, to save costs or something. So, there I am, in a beer stained wife beater and black leather jacket, eating this enormous sandwhich, when this university police guy pulls up – this huge officer tells me to get in after explaining he’s there to take me home. I’m floored – i have a mouth full of ham and mustard but i figure ‘what the fuck’ so i get in the front seat and keep eating. About three minutes later the guy says, in a really deep black-guy voice, ‘you really like that sandwhich, don’t you?’ to which i look at him and just without thinking at all say ‘yes ma’am.’

Realizing my mistake almost immediately, I look down, cram the rest of my sandwhich in my mouth, and motion for the guy to let me out here – ‘Fuck it,’ I’m thinking ‘I’ll walk. get me out of this car before he drives me directly to jail.’

Now, here’s where the night gets interesting – it’s about 4:15 by this point I guess, and I’m standing next to the tennis courts across from another row of fraternity houses. The tennis courts are surrounded on all sides by an 18 foot chain link fence and one of the frats back yard was up against the far wall. I hear Garth Brooks playing out the back of the house and for some reason i said to myself, ‘Holy shit there’s country music and I have to go there now’ – instead of walking around the corner to the frat house, I climbed both the first 18 foot chain link fence and the second one into their backyard, dropping down into a private brothers/girlfriends all-night beer pong match. You can imagine their surprise when a plastered frosh emerges in the dark at 4:30 in the morning down from an 18 foot fence. i quickly explained that I HAD to party with them, and for some reason they were cool with that.

I ended up kicking ass at beer pong which rarely happens, flirting and hugging all the girls cause my mother used to play the Garth Brooks greatest hits CD all the time and i knew all the words and the girls did but the brothers didn’t, and then at about 6:30 I stumbled back to my dorm and blacked out in the elevator.

Next thing i know, I wake up in the bathtub, fully clothed (but dry), wearing my jacket, and my roommate (who doesn’t drink) is pissing in the toilet – i sort of clear my throat and he turns around, looks at me, gives me that, ‘I don’t know if I should be sorely disappointed and disgusted in your humanity or terrified cause you shocked the shit out of me’ look but I think he decided on mix of disappointed/disgusted at a 70/30 ratio respectively.

Apparently a friend found me in the elevator just a few minutes before the routine 8am security sweep, picked me up, and took me to my room, found my key in my pocket, dragged me in, and dumped me in the bathtub.

What a night!

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

I was on a date out in the park of my campus when I got a text from my roommate saying “I don’t want to ruin your night, but I have some bad news” I texted her “what?” and she just said “I’ll tell you when you get back.”

So at this point, I wrap up the date asap, and get back to my room to find out what happened. I walk in to the horrified face of my roommate and the following conversation takes place:

Her: “So…um…a girl from my sorority is an RA and was making rounds instead of ours because ours isn’t here. Well, I had to ask her something about our Easter egg hunt and she came into the room and saw your alcohol. She started to get bitchy about it and said she had to confiscate it because it was her ‘duty’ as an RA. We have to go to the dorm court tomorrow. I really don’t know what’s going to happen.”

Me: “OH…MY…GOD….”

So, I continue to freak out with my roommate, we look up the penalties for alcohol which include a fine, counseling, AND parental notification since we live in a dry dorm and are under 21. At this point, I’m about to just call my parents and confess because I know finding out from the school would be much worse, when my roommate says:

“Oh and one more thing…APRIL FOOLS!”

I look at the clock and it’s about 1 am, April 1st. Worst joke…ever.

Only in College…

From Melissa:

It was a normal day in the library. That is, until three male students came sprinting in naked all screaming some nonsense. The best part occurred when one of the kids tripped over somebody’s backpack running around a table. He fell HARD and bashed his knee up really good! You could tell he wanted to cry and aid his knee, but couldn’t because well… he was naked and would get arrested if he stopped. So off he went, naked, bleeding from the knees, and no longer screaming nonsense.

Only in College…

From Jason:

I had just returned home from partying and was exhausted. At this point the only thing on my mind was going to sleep. The day had started around noon and it was now 3:30 in the morning. As I approach the door and reach into my pockets, it hits me… I have no keys. Now I lived in a really nice apartment that was three stories. When you open the front door you have to take a big flight of stairs up to the apartment. So it’s not like I could just pop open a screen or window and hop in. After going over my options (or lack thereof) I decided to make like a climber and scale the damn thing. Let me tell you, this was not a good idea. I realized this after I fell off the 2nd story and landed on the grass. I endured no broken bones but had a shit load of explaining to do when the cops showed up 5 minutes later and there I am on the 2nd story trying to pry open a window.

Only in College…