From Non-Chinese Speaking Person:

My friend volunteered to help a foreign exchange student for the semester. She decided to bring this girl who spoke very little English to the bars with us. She was short, but very attractive. I decided to make a move on her and started flirting with her. Her broken english was very hard to comprehend, she kept pointing to different drinks on our table and asking questions. She probably had only two to three drinks but you could tell she was very inebriated.

Then all a sudden, out of nowhere, she mumbles something in chinese (I think). I looked at her puzzled, she yells, “my face, very hot,” she turned red as a beet. I mean, flaming red, her whole face. I thought it was normal because I have heard asians get really red whenever they drink. I tried to tell her, it’s okay, but she kept saying, “No, no, noo, not okay, hot, very hot.” I had no idea what was going on, so we left and took a cab to the closest ER. The doc said she was allergic to alcohol.

Only in College…

From Collin:

My girlfriend and I were in my bedroom when things began to heat up. Before I knew it we were doing the deed. I thought it was a special moment between the two of us. I was wrong. During the undressing she or I had inadvertently speed dialed her father. They listened in for a good few minutes until they realized what they were listening to…trust me, I made damn sure she deleted all of her speed dials.

Only in College…

From Mark:

I was jumped by 4 frat guys in the beginning of my freshman year because they were drunk and thought I was somebody else. This demoralized me. Instead of taking it like a little bitch, I struck back. My buddy was at one of their big frat parties and slipped a shitload of laxatives into their jungle juice. Twenty minutes later there was a line to the bathroom longer than an anaconda and people running outside shitting everywhere. I was across the street on a lawn chair watching it all unfold with a nice concoction in my hand.

Only in College…

From Josh:

I returned from class to find my roommate still asleep, at 2:30PM. Unacceptable. I wrapped saran wrap across his door way, head level. Next I called him, he picked up the third time. I told him I was on campus and needed a very important phone number on the kitchen counter. He reluctantly agreed. I was watching from the living room when he stormed out of his cave and got a face full of seran wrap before falling on his ass.

I got much enjoyment from this. He however, did not.

Only in College…

From Caitlin:

I’m a Freshmen at University of Wisconsin-Madison. This past weekend, I experienced my first Mifflin Block party. There are pictures from previous years posted under “random stuff.” Anyways, drinking started in my dorm room at 8 in the morning. Beer Bongs, shotgun, flip cup, you name it. At Mifflin, I broke my phone, lost my phone, blacked out by early afternoon, woke up in my room, discovered a Qdoba receipt in my coat pocket, a Cold stone receipt in jeans pocket, no voice today. I think it’s safe to say Mifflin was a success.

Only in College…

From Bad Beat:

I stayed in Friday and Saturday night to study for finals. I did not have another final until Tuesday, so last night, I decided to take a break from it all and go play some cards at a local poker room. I was pretty disciplined all night long, first bad beat of the night was when my all-in pre-flop AK went against AQ and AJ, guy with AQ hit trips. I sucked it up and decided to buy back in. I made amazing reads at my table all night long, folded my Kings to Aces, and Queens to Aces. I dodged two improbable bullets, I just told myself to be patient, pick my spot.

Fast forward two hours of folding and stealing blinds, I decided to use my tight play to raise it up since I had the dealer button (last to act). Two people behind me called, I knew I had the best hand once I saw the flop, I had two pair. First guy bet out, second guy folded, there was no flush draw or straight draw, so I decided to raise, he re-raised. I told him, I know you have the Ace, I push all my money in, he calls, I turn over my two pair, he turned over Ace Jack. He acknowledges defeat and says “nice read.” The guy who folded had Jacks, so he only had one out (roughly 4%). I was feeling good, knowing he had only ONE out, biggest pot of my life, I got up, ready to gather my winnings and leave to go home and study. A Jack comes on the turn…I couldn’t believe it, completely stunned, motionless. I always took poker beats really well, but the size of the pot was too much to swallow.

I left the poker room, and proceeded to the closest bar, and started ordering shots by myself. Probably ordered five to six shots in half an hour. Started drunk texting asking if any of my friends wanted to join in, unfortunately no one wanted to, so I continue to drink by myself.

I woke up this morning with my room totally trashed, clothes everywhere, holes in the walls, broken window. I asked my roommate what happened, he said I came home all obliterated, proceeded to my room and started swearing and punching the walls. I asked them why didn’t they stop me, he replied, “I’ve never seen a person that crazy before, you were like on PCP.”

Only in College…

From Wako Kid, aka 18-year old homeless kid:

This story happened in the winter of this year. I go to school in Kentucky, and if you live anywhere near here than you would know about the big ice storm. This ice storm had us trapped in our dorms for about 3 or 4 days. Being bored as hell, I decide to throw the meanest party a dry campus had ever seen.

I woke up at the ass crack of noon, and had a handle of whiskey right by my bed so I had the breakfest of champions (about 4 shots), and then talked to about like 6 or 7 of my friends. They were ready for the all day all night drink-a-thon. So we go get 3 24 packs, and start calling people. By 7:30 we had about 30 people on the 4th floor of the dorms, and the handle was halfway gone, and beer was running short. The street beside the dorms was covered with broken glass and beer cans.

When that many people are partying at midnight, the RA’s will get called. The RA’s came up, and said they had already had 6 complaints on us. I was so drunk that I replied, “Now that is a good party” while laughing in his face. He told me that he had to take my beer and to quiet it down. My beer was un opened, and I’m not one to waste, so i took my key stabbed my beer and shotguned it in his face.

We partied until around 4. When i woke up, the RA told me that he had wrote me up 3 times. I said whatever and went back to bed.

So you think you party hard!!!!

Only in College…

From Connor:

It was freshman year in the dorms, and my buddy and I had gotten our hands on some liquor. We were drinking some Bacardi shots. Its around 11 at night and I wanted to stop by and chill with this chick I liked. Well, I had forgotten that her overly protective/stupid/meathead boyfriend was in town and hanging with her. My friend and I are hammered at this point but we walk over to her dorm anyways. I knock on her door, legs wobbling, vision blurred, but clear in the head. I knocked again, this time the door opens. Its her boyfriend, steaming from the ears. I could see the girl in the background giving me the “Oh My God SHHHH” look, so I figured I’d play it safe.

The BF says, “WHO THE F ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU WANT?”

I responded with, “Sir I am this dorm halls RA, and if you speak to me in that manner again I will have you escorted out and written up.”

He was stumped. I made him apologize and call me sir. I winked at the girl and then left.

She and I had a nice laugh about it the next day.

Only in College…

From Ken:

So drunk texting failed me last night. I have a few Katies in my phone. Cut things short, I was texting the wrong Katie:

Me: “i want to see you tonight”
Katie: “where are you?”
Me: “at the bars about to leave lets meet up”
Katie: “is this suppose to be a booty call?”
Me: “maybe, maybe not.”
Katie: “i haven’t talked to you in months”
Me: “what are you talking about, i woke up in your bed this morning”
Katie: “go fuck yourself”

I then checked to see who I was actually texting, it was my ex-girlfriend.

Only in College…

From Jackson:

I was a junior in college, and I was at my friends house relaxing, drinking beer and watching some sports. It was a Friday and we had some fun plans for the night. Both of our girlfriends were to meet us at a house party at 10:00. Fast forward, its 10:45 and my friends GF is nowhere to be seen. He was drunk at this point and decided to call her (for the 10th time) and talk to her. She finally picked up. I was right next to him and I could hear her breathing REALLY HEAVY over the phone. Well, my friend thought he caught her IN THE ACT cheating on him. He cursed her out for a good 5 minutes and broke up with her over the phone.

It turns out she was having an asthma attack, and could barely breath…

She broke up with him the next morning.

Only in College…

From Pete:

After I got home from the bars last night, I went on my computer to put an away message up. This girl I had a crush on for a long time was online, so I decided to drunken aim her. I told her I didn’t want to go to sleep, and asked her if she wanted to hang out. She replied with, “I am already in my comfy clothes, but if you can suggest something absolutely fun, I’ll think about it.” There is a swimming/spa in our complex and a basketball hoop, so I suggested we go have some fun in it. She responded, “okay, sounds fun, you have exactly 5 minutes to pick me up, or else i’m passing out.” I thought she was joking, but she was serious, and she started the clock on me, “4:59, 58, 57…”

So I sprinted out of my apartment, hopped on my moped. To get to her place usually takes about 5 minutes on my moped but that is if all the lights are green. I was approaching a red light, I decided to run the light. After no more than 50 yards, I hear sirens. Yup, got tickets, but she answered the door. I’m still trying to decide if the tickets were worth it.

Only in College…

From Mark:

It was a Saturday night and my friends and I had been partying for hours. We got back to the dorms around 3:30. I was exhausted and headed straight to bed. My buddy (who is a party animal) said he wasn’t ready to call it a night.

Fast forward 10 minutes, I am in my room getting ready to sleep. That’s when I hear a girl let out a blood curling scream. Fearing the worst, I looked out my window. Expecting to see a girl getting robbed, or a fight…

It’s my friend.

Riding a bike that isn’t his.

Naked…

The girl was horrified.

Only in College…