From Anonymous:

So I had just moved into my freshman dorm the day before and we had an orientation dance. My friend and I had hitten it off pretty well so we decided to pregame together. This meant drinking half a handle of Senor Jose himself in an hour or so. So we stumbled to the dance and started dancing with random girls. Because nobody knew anyone there, chicks were hooking up with anyone they wanted to.

I hooked up with three girls I was dancing with, then left to take more shots. This made me black out and I found myself in another dorm of the quad doing shots of vodka in the hallway. I walked down the hall and found this girl I had met earlier that day. She told me she was locked out so I told her we could hang out in my room. As we walked down the stairs, she told me she didnt want to have sex becuase she was still a virgin. Next thing I knew the two of us were ass naked in my bed. I didnt have a condom so I threw on a pair of mesh shorts and stumbled down the hall to find one. I walked into the room that now I best friends live in and got one.

So me and this girl proceeded to have sex and then passed out. We woke up the next morning and being the gentleman that I am, I walked her back to her room so she didnt have to do the walk of shame. As we were in her room I asked for my shirt back, and since she didnt have her bra on, I got to see one last glimpse of her tits before I left.

What a great way to start college and to celebrate my **th birthday.

Only in College…

Courtesy of Rated Colleges:
(Also Thanks to Amber for sending us the link!)

College students generally aren’t known for their discerning taste in alcohol. In fact, most tend to gravitate toward the cheapest alcohol that will do the job. But that doesn’t mean they can’t be creative. Check out this list to find some of the most hilarious concoctions ever imbibed on a college campus.

Mixed Drinks

Whether made by the glass, pitcher, or trash can, you’ll at least get a smile from these creative recipes.

Brass Monkey: Drink your favorite 40 oz of malt liquor down to the top of the label, and fill the bottle with orange juice-you’ll have a highly alcoholic, and ridiculous mimosa.
Hop, Skip & Get Naked: Combine cheap gin, cheap beer, and pink lemonade-the lemonade hides the taste of the cheap gin and beer.
Bloody Beaver: This drink reads like a strawberry nightmare.
1a Special Surprise Party: If you’re brave, try this drink that combines Natty Light, Tang, and olives in a can.
151 Bananas: By no means does this drink taste good, or like bananas for that matter, but it will however get you drunk.
Alpine Lemonade: Full of vodka, gin, rum, lemonade and cranberry juice, this drink is great for a warm day of getting totally drunk.
Beergarita: Combine two drink favorites for a refreshing way to alcoholic bliss.
Screwed Hooker: The Screwed Hooker is a combination of a screwdriver and a cherry hooker.
Punch in the Head: 151 rum provides the punch in this drink.
T-Rex Piss: Nothing sounds good about this drink that combines one part tequila with one part Mello-Yellow.
Bloody Brain: Perfect for a Halloween-inspired party, the floater of Irish cream looks like a brain.
Red Eye: Although it sounds gross, the tomato juice and egg will have you up and at em.
Mind Eraser: If you’re drinking to forget, use this drink of vodka, kahlua, and tonic water.
Soylent Green: Vodka, curacao, and orange juice combine to make a green drink that definitely is not mild.
Captain Do: In Captain Do, you’ll find a spiced rum inside Mountain Dew.
Punches

These punches know how to please a crowd.

Jungle Juice: Add just about any cheap alcohol to juice, with optional cans of fruit, and you’ll have a cheap, tasty bucket of alcohol.
Grain Punch: In a new, washed garbage can, you’ll use grain alcohol, dry fruit punch, lots of fruit, and ice.
Sneaky Pete: This vodka based punch with ice cream on top will sneak up on you.
Flavored Jet Fuel: Combine assorted rum, gin, and vodka with your favorite wine cooler for a powerful punch.
Pink Panther: This mixture of Crystal Light and vodka makes a strong punch without a lot of alcohol taste.
Limoncillo: Not to be confused with Limoncello, this punch is made of Crystal Light and rum.
Skippies: Start a long night of partying by creating Skippies with ice, beer, lemonade, and strong vodka.
Trashcan Punch: Mix sliced fruit, fruit punch, and everclear to make a deadly punch.
Flaming Blow Job: This punch includes flaming whipped cream and mason jars.
College Hulk Punch: Become the Incredible Hulk with Bacardi 151, curacao, sweet and sour, and orange juice.
612 Delight: 612 Delight features vodka, Crystal Light, and Big Red.
Hunch Punch: Made in a very large cooler, with peach vodka, everclear, pineapple juice, sprite bottles, and Hawaiian punch, this drink is sure to have you hunched over.
Prepared Drinks

These drinks are ridiculous right off the shelf.

Steel Reserve: This malt liquor tastes terrible, but it packs 8.1% alcohol content into a usually dirt cheap 24 ounce can.
MD 20/20: A classic beverage, Mad Dog 20/20 will make you feel numb.
Thunderbird: Thunderbird’s makers have cut every possible production corner in order to make this drink as cheap as possible.
Old English 800: This malt liquor represents the ideal budget alcohol for college students.
Natural Light: Natty Light isn’t good, but it’s cheap.
Buckfast: Buckfast promises to get you “bucked up” fast, with a strong taste of molasses.
Night Train: Imagine your favorite bum wine, with Ny-Quil added. That’s Night Train.
Wild Irish Rose: Some believe that this wild wine is a conspiracy to kill the homeless.
Pabst Blue Ribbon: PBR is by no means worthy of its ribbon, but it provides a good buzz with nostalgia.
Boone’s Farm: This malt beverage product is fruity and fun.
Cisco: Cisco is often referred to as liquid crack.
Shots

Take on these shooters if you dare.

Buttery Nipple: Most people are familiar with this shot of butterscotch Schnapps and Irish cream.
Purple Hooter: This shooter features vodka, triple sec, chambord, and ice.
Monkey Brains: A shot of Irish cream and one of peach schnapps combined will quickly curdle and turn lumpy-you may have to chew your way out of this one.
The Ultimate Jell-o Shot: Great amounts of research have gone into this recipe.
Boilermaker: Drop a shot of whiskey into your beer, chug, and you’ve got a Boilermaker.
Alabama Slammer: Drink these, and you’ll be slammed in no time.
Snake Bite: This popular shot features a combination of whiskey and lime juice.
Red Death #2: If you want to get drunk fast, try this mixture of vodka, Southern Comfort, amaretto, sloe gin, triple sec, and orange juice poured into shot glasses.
Cement Mixer: This shot of Bailey’s combined with a shot of lime juice mixed in your mouth will make you feel like you’re swallowing cement.
Flaming Dr Pepper: This shot is set on fire, then dropped in a beer-and it tastes remarkably like Dr Pepper.
Duck Fart: Combine Kahlua, Irish cream, and Canadian whisky for this shot that tastes better than its name would imply.
Purple Passion: Vodka, triple sec, grape juice, and cranberry juice combine to make a passion inducing shot.

Only in College…

From Ben:

My friend had just broken up with his girlfriend and was feeling really down about it so I got a few of our mutual friends together and we decided to just get plastered off tequila shots. In 20 minutes the five of us had finished a liter of Cuervo and my depressed buddy and I shared 20 oz of Patron which we downed in three massive gulps each. One of our friends shows up late but is drunk from hanging out with other friends and suggests we walk across campus to get some 40’s.

So we all make the trek and along the way I jump on every parked car I see trying to set the alarm off. I fail on all attempts but manage to dent a few. We all down a 40 and decide to explore the maintenance tunnels that link all the major buildings on campus. I blackout as we descend the ladder to the tunnels. I wake up in my friends room covered in trash, coffee grains and Honey Bunches of Oats. I get out of bed and observe that we have managed to shatter the clear plastic bin in which he kept all his food.

Neither of us knew you could shatter that kind of plastic. On my walk back to my room I notice multiple exit signs missing from various parts of the ceiling. As I round the corner to my room I find one exit sign that was obviously bashed by a very hard object. I enter my room and find a janitor’s mop bucket, a baseball bat, a mini fridge and an overturned shopping cart containing two smashed exit signs and three different kinds of street signs. This night was definitely one we will never forget despite our inability to remember anything.

Only in College…

From Danielle:

I was at the bar getting hit on by this super hot guy. Unfortunately, my friends were drunk and thought it would be a great idea to make the situation awkward. My guy friend started calling me his girlfriend, while my roommate kept licking my arm and ear. They took it to extremes when they bit me on the arm and ear. To top it off they tucked their shirts in the pants and pulled them up to their waist, then started air humping me.

Only in College…

From Linds:

One weekend during fall semester of my sophomore year, a bunch of people put together a “Burning Man” party by the river in honor of no longer having Bush in office. A few of my friends and I got together and had some beers and smoked a few bowls before calling it a night–now keep in mind I’m underage, so I used my roommate’s backpack to carry the beer and liquor down to the river. Monday morning rolls around, and my roommate and I are in class, when she reaches into her bag to pull out our books….and ends up pulling out a half-full bottle of red wine…none of us drink wine.

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

I was in FL visiting my brothers. I haven’t seen them in eight years, the last three because I’ve been going to school in Germany. Well, all my brothers wanted to see if they could out drink me and I figured that would take forever so I didn’t want to. So, my brother Rob suggests that we buy a keg and see how fast we can drink it. I was ok with that so there were my 3 bros and I doing everything short of keg stands drinking this keg. We finished it in 2 hours and 20 some minutes. We’re all 185lbs+, 6′+ so we were barely buzzing so we went to some hickish old people bar and drank shots till they could barely walk. Rob calls his girlfriend to come pick us up. We all get in the his huge ass dodge ram (I hate huge trucks) and what does she do? She drives into a fucking tree. We went flying over the cab into branches and leaves into a ditch. I know I could’ve drove and made it home just fine. It was only sixish blocks away. Might as well have been driving drunk.

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

I go to UNLV, so all my friends want to visit me. One night we got way too drunk at this really trendy club. I ended up losing my friend and didnt find her until 5 in the morning. Some dude brought her back into the casino where the club was after screwing her in the parking garage. I found this other guy while looking for her and he ended up taking us back to his hotel so that we wouldn’t go to jail (yeah right). My friend ended up taking off ALL her clothes and hopping in bed with some guy she didn’t even know as soon as we walked into the room. She ended up having sex with 3 guys that night. And turns out, I like sex too. Oooopsy. Moral: Always help drunk girls in Vegas. Cause what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, mostly cause you cant remember half the story

Only in College (UNLV)…

From Anonymous:

When I was going to Eastern Kentucky University, well, lets just say I didnt study alot. One night my friends and I were at a party and a few people needed a ride from the dorms. So being the brave idiot I was at the time- I decided that I’d go pick them up…After hammering half a bottle of Vodka (and Im not a big girl-115 pounds) I drag some people with me as I head out the door and we make our way to the dorms.

On the way there, I made a sharp turn and flipped my headlights off. Cops look out for that sort of thing in a college town so, to no surprise, I get pulled over. As soon as I saw the blue lights, everything started to look really really pretty. The trees were greener, the sky was huge and for some reason I got these chill bumps and my heart was pounding out of my chest. As the cop walked up to my car, my friend told me that she had slipped some’never done E, plus I was drunk!!! So the cop gives me the monkey test, I stumble and almost fall when he asks me to touch my nose and stand on one foot. I told him I was nervous and that I’d never done this before. He then asked me if I had contacts – told me I was a pretty girl and to go home as soon as possible! Damn cops are stupid. Thank God! Moral: Watch your drinks if your gonna drive drunk- Oh yeah, and uh, look hot.

Only in College (EKU)…

From Anonymous:

My Freshman year of College I did the normal weekend things that Freshman do. Binge Drink, Try to get laid, Puke, then… drink some more. One Saturday some buddies from my dorm and I were all drinking in my room. I had already managed about a 18 pack during the football game that afternoon. We were in my room had a Beer Bong and really started to hit it hard as we played some cards and Madden. We then decided it would be a good idea to throw shots of vodka on top of the beers we were bonging so we did not taste the Vodka. I dont know how much I had to drink, but it was a ton, I was crazy drunk.

We decided to head out to the local Bar/Dance club scene. My Buddy drove and we got to the bar. This is a huge club with a big dance floor, blaring music and lotsa people. I get to the door of the bar and get a wristband as an adult (thanks to a fake) I am only 19. We immediately make it over to the bar and I grab a Double Jack and Coke. Me and my buddies drink a few of these as we sit at a table looking at the women dancing. This is where things start to get a little Fuzzy for me. We make it out to the dance floor and I am half talking / yelling over the music with a girl I am dancing with. Things are going sweet. Then it happened, I look over and one of my buddies that I came with is face to face with another guy.

They are yelling at each other. my buddy is the drunk that always fights… I make my way over to them. Just as I got to him I remember the guy said “Go ahead and hit me!” My buddy cracked this guy and they start fighting right on the dance floor. I grab my buddy to get him the hell out of there and I get pushed and punched by another guy. I just saw stars and could feel I was bleeding immediately. I am confused as hell, people are flying everywhere and about 7 bouncers grab me and my buddy and practically carry us to the front door, out into the street we went, grudgingly and drunkinly yelling about injustice. Luckily, Right as a Police officer was going by. I think for a second about running, but I know I wont get far in this condition. Good thing I didnt because a bike cop was coming from the other way. After a few minutes the officer had seen and heard enough of us. I get handcuffed and we get told we are under arrest for Disorderly Conduct and Public Intox… On the way to Jail I feel my mouth fill up with saliva and I get sick all over the back of the car… Talk about a long night in the drunk tank. I dry heaved beside a bunch of random dudes for like 3 hours till I was released.

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

I went to a friend’s party last night because some guys I know are moving away. Anyways, I started calling people from work up and bitching them out about work and their attitude towards me. I then called my actual work and left a messenge on my boss’ answering machine and told him and the company to fuck themselves. I told them that they pay me low ass wages and I hated working there. I probably should not go to work tomorrow, I’m guessing I probably got fired.

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

There’s nothing special about this story except that…IT WAS THE LUCKIEST DAY OF MY LIFE. I am not much of a ladies man. In fact, I am bit nerdy, but I am not ashamed to admit it. Anyways, a week ago I was drunk and there were about six drunk girls at my friend pad. There was this fine blond girl with a nice rack and a blue mini-skirt who I later found out was named “Kate.” Erik told me to go for it, and as usual I told him it would be a cold day in hell before she even talked to me, but when I went to the kitchen to take a couple shots a fucking miracle happened.

I walked in and the girl was crying her ass off. Okay, I know, not what you call a Christmas miracle or anything, but I knew this was my chance to play up the nice friendly nerd card. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that her boyfriend was fucking some other girl so they broke up a week ago. Being kinda drunk I guess she just broke down so I invited her to take a couple shots with me. We took a shot of JD and vodka and I told her she could hang out in my room until she felt better. She took my advice and I told her I would check on her in like 10 minutes. When I went in to check on her she was on my computer watching some porn of a blond chick giving a bj that I was jerking it to earlier. What a fucking moron. I left that shit on my queue in Winamp.

I ran over, apologized, and reached over to shut it off, but this fine ass drunk girl just turned to me and said “I can do that way better than that.” I bet that she couldn’t and after a bit of coaxing she was sucking my cock while I had a bottle of Jim Beam in my hand. Erik knocked on the door in the middle of it to see that we were okay and I yelled that we were sleeping. Then this girl started going wild and asked me to fuck her “as hard as I could.” I happily obliged and had the best sex I have ever had in my entire young life. The next morning I woke up at around noon and she was gone. I haven’t talked to her.

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

My friends and I decided to go and get a room at a motel nearby and just have a party there and crash for the night. A couple of guys piled into my car as we drove to the hotel noticing that a lot of people were in the elevator and were going to the same floor we were. It turns out we had about 50 to 60 people in one small room all cramped. We had some beers laying around so we just started drinking like crazy. After that, we just hit the bed. The next morning we all start to wake up and there was this woman in our room. Supposedly some people that were staying in the next room heard some noises and contacted the front desk. Since the front desk could not get in because we had a stereo cranked up so loud and people passed out they decided to wait till morning when they had the motel manager with the keys. They threw us out and said that we could not come back even if we wanted a room to sleep in.

Only in College…