From Anonymous:

A friend and I are spending a few weeks at my beach house in NC and decided to throw a party on a pier not to far from the house. First thing we did after our morning 12 pack was print up a bunch of flyers and pass them out to random people on the beach. The next step was to go and get some beer and JD seeing as how we made it a point on the flyers to bring a case and drink of choice it seemed only fair that we did the same. Around 7pm or so people started showing up and I mean a lot of them. After several hours had past and who knows how much alcohol, I look up and see a flag poll at the end of the pier with 2 lights on either side so that it formed a cross that stood about 15 feet above the pier (which was already about 20 feet off the water). Now I know what you are thinking and you are kind of right but that comes in a sec.

After sitting up there for about 5 min I call to my buddy who is sitting below me trying to mack on a group of girls to throw me a bottle of JD. After doing so and taking a few swigs I look to the end of the pier to see several squad cars on the road and about 20 cops making their way towards us. I call my friend’s name and point trying to stutter “cops.” He turns to see what I am pointing to and with out missing a beat yells “cops!!!” It is at this moment that everyone looks and panics. Finally some one dives over the side. Seeing this everyone starts to do the same. And here I am stuck up here on a fucking flag pole. My buddy yelled at me “jump you pussy” and finally gets me to leap off the flag pole into the water.

On the way down I stuck my thumb in the bottle of JD (can’t let that go to waste) just seconds before landing a great 40 foot belly flop (yeah it hurt). As I surface I here my friend say man that was sick (as if I didnt already know). As we float for a sec to get our bearings we look to the beach where everyone is already going and see more cops waiting for them to arrive, so we did what any smart intoxicated person would do, we swam out away from the beach in to open ocean in the middle of the night. After swimming about 200 yards we decide to swim for the beach house which is about a mile from the pier. As my buddy was swiming I just held on to his foot and continue to drink from the bottle of JD that I brought along for the ride and drunkly hum the theme to Jaws. After about an hour or so we arrive on the beach in front of the house and crawl acoss the sand and up the stairs to find 2 cops sitting in some chairs on the front deck.

It seems that while we were making the flyers that morning we were drunk enough to put our phone number and address in case anyone had any questions. It just so happend that someone was nice enogh to give one to the cops right after we had bailed off the pier. After telling them the story they decided to let us off with a fine as long as we promised not to do throw another party on the pier, but they didn’t say anything about a party at the house which we did the very next night. Lesson learned: the next time you are partying on a beach I recommend not doing a 40 foot belly flop cause its a good way to kill a buzz and your balls.

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

My buddies and I were out drinking by the lake. It has been a good few hours, so each of us had a good amount of alcohol in our systems. We decided we needed a good laugh. So “Steve” decided to dare “Crazy Bob” to jump into the lake and if he did, we’ll each give him a few bucks. Everyone agreed. Without any hesitation, Crazy Bob took his wallet, keys, phone out his pockets, took off his shoes and socks and jumped into the lake. He came out shivering, the water wasn’t exactly warm yet. We got a good laugh. Thanks Bob.

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

I was going out with some girls I knew and some of their co-workers. We were heading out to a bar and since I was underage, I wanted to get pretty drunk before I got there. Well, I sort of overdid it. I downed shots until I was completely tanked. The last thing I remember was getting a ride with one of the girls’ coworkers. The next thing I remember is waking up in the guest room at my parent’s house (whom I don’t live with) and had no idea how I got there.

In order to piece the story together I had to talk to the girls I was with and unfortunately my mom. By the time I got to the bar, the girls I knew were already in. I was completely trashed and was not allowed in. So I took off walking down the road alone, in the middle of February in the freezing cold and snow. I made it about a half a mile before I stumbled into the first open building I could find and passed out in the lobby. It just so happened to be the highway patrol headquarters. I guess after going through my wallet one of the officers figured out my parents phone number and called them and said they needed to come pick me up. So thats what they did, and I have no memory of any of it.

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

My first Halloween ever at UB was one to be forgotten. My friends and I decided to dress up and browse Main Street in Buffalo (as all of the side streets along main street have at least 5 or 6 house parties during the warm weather portions of the semester). Being poor college students, my friends and I have make-shift costumes. Mine happend to be a backstreet boy (an important fact) which everyone mistook for a gay guy. We each pounded a bunch of beers in our room and were on our way for the night. Once we got on mainstreet, we immediately found a party.

Ten drinks later, I decide to talk to the hot girl dressed up in an angel costume. To set the scene, the hot girl has another ok looking friend and one hideous, punk rock obese friend (to put it kindly). Now, my confidence level is usually rather low as I have always been nervous when it comes to talking with the opposite sex. On this night, however, I did a damn good job. The girl was into me, and things were going well. So what do I do? Seal the deal and try and bring her back? Smoothly get closer to her and eventually lock lips and let her see how I do it? Nope because this is me. Instead of doing those, I continue to drink to hopefully keep my confidence up. Problem is, I just became obnoxious, arrogant, loud, and…obnoxious.

Needless to say, she wound up talking to someone else the rest of the night. So what did I do? Kept drinking. Now, after this, I felt pretty shitty and was willing to tell anyone this within a 10 mile radius. One of these people happened to be her unattractive, larger friend this. Now, she was a nice person, but you have to have some physical attraction…and there was NONE there. Last thing I remember, I was at the bus stop and she put her arm around me…then its all a blur. I know what you are thinking…but no, I didn’t. As a matter of fact, I guess after I got off the bus I fled from her in terror (as a random eye witness from the bus who saw me at class told me). The story doesn’t end there. My roommate came back and found me passed out on my bed with my hand over my head in a distraut manner. However, the odd thing about it was I had downloaded and put on repeat “Show me the meaning of being lonely” by the BACKSTREET BOYS.

Only in College…

From Shannon:

A true friend will make it out to your 21st birthday party no matter the circumstance… I was the last in our group to turn 21, unfortunately it was during finals week. My friend Anne had her first final at 7:30 am the next day, but she proceeded to drink with us until 2:30 am and at the after party till 4:00 am. She went to her final at 7:30. She is currently retaking that class in summer school. She is a true friend.

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

I was gearing up for graduation in two nights by packing up my dorm room when I got a call from an friend of mine. He had moved into his first apartment in Brooklyn (just across the water) and was throwing a BBQ. Now, NYU is not known as a party school like most other schools. There’s no campus really and the students tend to be pretty active in other things so they don’t resort to frats/sororities for fun. So, despite the occassional big party or night out at the clubs, we missed out on the usual drunken orgies I’d hear about from other schools.

This BBQ, however, was different. When I got there, they were serving this crazy drink called “Everglo” (some green liquor that’s a mix of vodka, tequila, and caffeine) and mixing it with Red Bull. I asked what it was, and they said “It’s EverGlo, Yo!” It went down easily since it was the middle of a May heatwave. After partying for a while, the ice started getting low as the party got more crowded. People started sitting in the kiddie pool that was being used as a giant beer cooler. The music was thumping and people were dancing crazy grinding dances.

I was getting tired, so I went out for air and ice, hoping the walk would sober me up. When I returned, a crowd of girls answered the door. They were all in their underwear and soaking wet. One girl took the ice bags from me and said “Thanks!” and just jumped my bones and gave me a big wet kiss on the mouth. I went back to the back-yard area and everyone was down to their underwear yelling “naked party!” over and over again. I was getting groped by several girls as I tried to make my way back to the kiddie pool to drop off the rest of the ice. When I got there, my friend (the party host) was in the pool with a naked girl making out like crazy. I’ve never seen anything like it. Whatever the heck is in that Everglo seems to get people to go crazy!

Only in College (NYU)…

From Katie:

My friends and I decided to party the day before classes to mourn the end of our freedom as the start of a new semester approached. The bartender gave us all plenty of free shots, all of which my friends passed off to others and I continually took. Thanks to the bartender, I extended my vacation an extra day as I was too hungover to attend my first day of classes.

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

One night, my friend Kate and I had to work at a fundraising party. we ended up serving this punch all night that tasted like there was nothing in it but I know for a fact that each batch (think cooler size) had 3 bottles of everclear in it, at least. Of course, by the end of the night, we were both so drunk we could barely walk.

I made sure she had a ride home and ended up going to another party, where I passed out. When I got home to my dorm room in the morning, someone had ripped the screen off my window and slept in my bed. I was kinda nervous and really pissed, but I just fell asleep. Later that afternoon, kate called to tell me what had happened. She ended up at home, and in her bed. She sleeps in a tank top and underwear (key fact here). At about 4 in the morning, she woke up on her fire escape on the fourth floor of her dorm. She couldn’t get in the building and had no phone, so she walked across campus in her underwear and broke into my room. I started leaving my windows unlocked all the time after that.

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

I went over to my friend’s house where a shitload of my friends from work and around were having a party. I know I drank a lot, but to kind of put it in perspective… I volunteered to make a beer run, and a bunch of us piled into my car. We go to the grocery store down the street, and among other things I bought a bottle of Jack Daniels. I finished half the bottle straight from the time we left the store to the time we drove the five blocks back to the party.

But that isn’t the best part. I had to be driven home that night, so one guy drives my car while another follows. I make it back to my house, and that is the last thing I remember. I wake up the next morning laying in bed completely naked, with the heat in the house cranked up. I get up and throw some clothes on, then walk into my living room. My two lazy boy chairs are completely knocked over, and my shirt is laying on the floor. I shrug it off and let the dog out, but I noticed that my undershirt is sitting on the front step. I walk outside and see my socks and shoes sitting in the front yard. As it starts to dawn on me of what I did, I see my pants and underwear in the back yard. Put two and two together, and you now know exactly why my neighbors don’t talk to me anymore…

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

Last weekend, I woke up to a combination of pounding and door bell ringing. I answered the door semi hungover to my parents standing in front of me. I don’t think they were too please to see me in my hungover state of mind. They asked me what was on my forehead. I said, “I don’t know.” They told me to go take a look. I went into the bathroom to find out OWNED was written on my forehead.

Only in College…

From Steve’s friend:

Steve and his friends were out at a bar one Saturday night. We saw a police patrol car was parked outside a local neighborhood bar in Minnesota waiting for drunk drivers as they often did. Late in the evening, the officer saw Steve leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. Steve stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly watching. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, Steve managed to find his own car which he fell into.

He was there for a few minutes as a number of other peeps left the bar and drove off. Finally, Steve started his car, switched the wipers on and off even though it wasn’t raining, flicked the flasher on and off, beeped the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the car forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as more people at the bar, including half-wasted me and my friend. At last Steve pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the street. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a Breathalyzer test. To his amazement the Breathalyzer indicated no evidence that Steve was drunk at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, “I’ll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This Breathalyzer equipment must be broken.” “I doubt it,” said Steve. “Tonight I’m the designated decoy.”

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

My buddies and I were celebrating the end of the school year at his house with some cheap wine. “George” was all proud of himself because he bought the champagne with 12.5% instead of 12% alcohol for the same price. Anyways, we’re hanging out and these stupid chicks, they wouldn’t drink the champagne so I had to drink it for them. I got into a fight with my friend “Erik” when he came in the door, I randomly karate kicked and broke a lava lamp, and showed the other normal signs of someone obliviously drunk.

All of a sudden I get a phone call from this hot chick I had wanted to bone for the last three weeks so I am adamant on driving over there. My friends mention that there is a police checkpoint down the road so I’d better not risk it, but I don’t really give a fuck so I head out the door. On the way out I finished off the last bits of a bottle of champagne. My friends locked the door behind me as they shouted out claims to my stereo and other personal belongings in case I was in a fatal accident.

Long story short, I am driving along drunk as fuck and I hit a curb going like 40mph and got a flat tire. I kept driving pissed off and worried contemplating driving on the freeway anyway. People were yelling on the side of the road that I had a flat tire and sparks were coming off my rims or whatever. Eventually, I decided to turn off the road and park. I started to cry a little bit like a bitch I know and I called up the chick to tell her what happened. She came to my rescue and we fucked the rest of the night. The next day I found out I had stopped one block before the police checkpoint. I didn’t get a DUI and I got laid. God loves drunk drivers.

Only in College…