From Anonymous:

I went out drinking last night instead of packing. This morning, my parents came up to help me move my stuff out of the dorms. I was taking some stuff down to the car. When I got back, my mom was holding my bong and my stash of marijuana. Oops, I forgot to hide that. I never told them about my smoking habits, but they were not surprised. Instead, my parents made a proposal to me. If I got at least a cumulative of 3.0 this past year, they would continue paying for college but I would need to get a job next school semester. If I don’t, well, they said they will only pay for the tuition, nothing else.

Only in College…

From T.K.:

I ended up hooking up with a random sorority girl and spent the night at her sorority house. I guess they are not allowed to have guys over. She woke me up at like five in the morning and proceeded to kick me out of the room. Still semi-drunk/hungover, I got my clothes on, grab my stuff and headed home. When I reached for my phone to call my roommate to pick me up, it was not there. I’m thinking it probably fell out of my pocket, and it’s somewhere in the girl’s room, I was trying to decide if I should I should go back to get it, but decided against it. I’ll just facebook her. Well, I kind of have a problem, I only know her first name, and there are about 200 girls with the same name. Some of the profiles do not have pictures, so I’m trying to decide if I should just mass message all these “Kates” or just get a new phone. Oh, I tried calling my phone already, it’s off/dead.

(”Kate,” if you read this story, call one of the recent numbers. It’s a black iphone with a beach as the wallpaper).

Only in College…

From A*hole:

My roommates and I got back from the bars. We decided to order some greasy pizza to satisfy our drunk munchies. For some reason, we decided to be a**holes and wanted to scam the pizza company after four years of ripping us off. There are two doors to get into our building. The first door is to get into the building to the buzzer, the second door has a window and is locked. So we taped a note on the second door, “pizza guy, emergency, sorry, money is underneath the rug outside the door, please leave pizza here.” in the envelope, we left a tip for him, and a note specifically stating the money was for tip, and we’re thanking the pizza company for the pizza donation.

About half an hour later, he calls me, I ignore it, I run downstairs using the back exit. My roommates and I have a plan, I would watch what is happening from the front of the building while they stood behind the second door. I saw the delivery guy read the note, but he doesn’t put down the pizza, instead, he goes to check to see if there is actually money underneath the rug. In the back of my mind, I’m like, “Damn it, he’s not stupid.” But he doesn’t check the envelope! He goes back towards the locked door, and leaves the pizza. While he was walking away, I told my roommates to grab the pizza, my roommates immediately open the door, grab the pizza, and slam it shut and run upstairs. The delivery guy quickly opens the envelope and began yelling and kicking the door. God we’re a**holes, we’re going to hell, I hope they serve beer in hell.

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

The last time I came home, I passed out on the couch with my shoes on while watching TV and eating popcorn. My roommates didn’t pass up on the opportunity and covered me with trash and saran wrapped me.

Things were a little different this time, I woke up this morning and found myself again with my shoes on but nothing was done to me. I was shirtless but I thought to myself I probably took the shirt off to sleep. I was about to hop in the shower when I caught a glimpse of my back in the mirror. Everything you can imagine was drawn/written on my back, and we are suppose to go to the beach later today…

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

I went to a party my freshman year with a bunch of girls that I had just met. We ended up at a Frat party. Needless to say, I guess I had a few too many. I woke up the next morning down the hall from my dorm room, in another girl’s dorm next to her and her boyfriend…without my pants on. Apparently the two of them were just as surprised to see me there, as I was to wake up there.

Only in College…

From S.L.I.B.:

After attending numerous house parties during my freshman year, I couldn’t wait to host my own parties once I had my own place. My sophomore year we got our own apartment in an area on campus known for all the sophomore parties. We started out having gatherings with just our friends, but then realized how much money we could start making on weekends by having parties and charging for cups. It soon became a business for us. We had one roommate on cup control, one roommate on crowd control, one roommate on door patrol, one roommate on sober patrol. We even had our boyfriends on cop look out duty.

We were running a business, and were pretty good about keeping under the radar. It was fun but it was a decent amount of work and our fun really started after everyone left.

One night after a successful party of about 50-75 people, some of us had thrown a pizza in and were having a dance party while others were already headed to bed. During the party, someone had opened one of our windows, but we hadn’t noticed because the shades were drawn. So our music could clearly be heard….by the cops that were passing by our apartment building. Apparently some drunk girl (from the party next door) had stumbled out to the front yard and was puking and someone called her into the cops.

The cops suspect she came from the apartment that was blaring the loud music. They get into our building and start pounding on our door. Like the drunk idiots we are, we shut off the music and don’t answer the door. We finally let them in after threats from the police officers that they’ll guarantee that they’ll get us in as much trouble as they can if we don’t let them in.

Keep in mind our apartment is a townhouse style apartment. There are three levels and we usually just party on the three levels. The 5 police officers come in expecting a HUGE party but only find about 5 people downstairs. Of course, there are empty solo cups and 2 empty kegs in the living room.

So they pound up the stairs expecting to find 40 people hiding in the bedrooms. When they would find sleeping people they would yell “are you naked?… alright get downstairs!!”. All together there were about 8 people actually still in the apartment, 4 of which were 21.

They lined us all up on the couch and started taking our information and then….. **ding**…… the pizza was done. One of the girls pops up and apologizes to the cops explaining that we had put in a pizza before they got here. She disappears into the kitchen. But instead of taking out the pizza and coming right back into the living room, we hear drawers opening and closing and the familiar sound of pizza crust crumbling. She reappears in the living room and says: “I’m really sorry, i’m just super hungry…. want a piece?” and the cop responded “No…I prefer doughnuts from the corner shop.”

We got off with a warning…and we never held a party for profit again.

Only in College…

From Clifford:

My housemates and I decided to throw a big Halloween party. We had a perfect party house, so everybody was excited. The party itself was a blast. Multiple kegs, tons of people… it was a great time. That is, until some god damn hooligans threw a HUGE table off of our 2nd story balcony. It’s not really that big of a deal that the table was ruined. It was more the fact that it crashed straight through the windshield of our housemates car. When I say housemates car, I mean the ONLY people in the entire house that were against having the party and subsequently did not participate in it.

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

We live on the top floor of an old 3 story house. I am not exaggerating, the stairs to our floor look like they are about to fall apart any second. When we walk in our apartment, our neighbors downstairs probably wanted to kill themselves. It made the most obnoxious noises ever, if you were blind folded, you would probably thought you were in a haunted house because of the cracking and squeaking noises. But hey, I’m not complaining, rent is cheap.

Last night, we had a party at our apartment to celebrate the beginning of summer. We had about 25-35 people over. Fast forward to sometime after midnight. Some girl decided to show her dancing skills off on our living room’s coffee table, two girls decided to join her. About 30 seconds later, one girl went flying off. I thought one of the legs broke on the coffee table, but nope, the leg was still in intact, the leg punctured through the flooring. Pretty sure, our neighbors want to kill us.

I haven’t called the landlord yet, I’m not sure if my neighbors will rat me out to the landlord. I’m still thinking of what to say…

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

On this particular Saturday night, my friend and I were staying in to study for a killer exam we had on Monday. At about 3 am, we heard a bang at my door. We could hear someone fumbling around for the door knob and after awhile, my roommate stumbles into the room wearing one shoe, no pants, and torn up fishnets. She looks at us, smiles a huge smile, and then walks back out the door.

About 2 seconds later, we hear a huge bang. Fearing the worst, my friend and I sprint to the hallway where we see my roommate, fishnets at her ankles, attempting to climb into a large trash can. Upon seeing us, she quickly exclaims she doesn’t need any help, pulls her tights back up, and walks back into the room, where she proceeds to put a mini bag of popcorn in the microwave. After nearly burning it, she lays down in her bed and begins eating. I look over two seconds later, and she’s passed out.

The next morning, she wakes up and asks me why she woke up covered in popcorn. I don’t know what was more amusing: seeing this escapade unfold or watching her reaction as I told it back to her.

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

This is a story from a while back, but it’s a good one. I was a frosh, week two of school in DC. I was rushing a frat and they threw a party – the standard ‘let’s get drunk and tear the house apart’ kind of thing. Standard. it was fun, but nothing exciting. At some point after beer 15 or so, a few of the brothers and their girlfriends decide to go across the street to their apartment to order late night italian subs. I was sleeping with a girl that one of those brothers had a crush on, and I think to make me jealous of his fairly hot girlfriend he invited me along to order a sandwhich. A) I wasn’t jealous but more importantly B) after ordering my sandwhich I passed out on the floor of their bathroom for about an hour. When I woke up, everybody had passed out and it was about 4 in the morning. I called the campus shuttle service to come pick me up and take me back to my dorm, and just before I slammed the door, realized I should have a italian floating around somewhere – checked the fridge… yup – fucking awesome. So I take the sandwhich and start to eat it in the elevator as I go down.

Now, usually the shuttle is a silly dodge van that drives around, but after 4 (I didn’t know this) they shut down the vans and send campus-police as the shuttle, to save costs or something. So, there I am, in a beer stained wife beater and black leather jacket, eating this enormous sandwhich, when this university police guy pulls up – this huge officer tells me to get in after explaining he’s there to take me home. I’m floored – i have a mouth full of ham and mustard but i figure ‘what the fuck’ so i get in the front seat and keep eating. About three minutes later the guy says, in a really deep black-guy voice, ‘you really like that sandwhich, don’t you?’ to which i look at him and just without thinking at all say ‘yes ma’am.’

Realizing my mistake almost immediately, I look down, cram the rest of my sandwhich in my mouth, and motion for the guy to let me out here – ‘Fuck it,’ I’m thinking ‘I’ll walk. get me out of this car before he drives me directly to jail.’

Now, here’s where the night gets interesting – it’s about 4:15 by this point I guess, and I’m standing next to the tennis courts across from another row of fraternity houses. The tennis courts are surrounded on all sides by an 18 foot chain link fence and one of the frats back yard was up against the far wall. I hear Garth Brooks playing out the back of the house and for some reason i said to myself, ‘Holy shit there’s country music and I have to go there now’ – instead of walking around the corner to the frat house, I climbed both the first 18 foot chain link fence and the second one into their backyard, dropping down into a private brothers/girlfriends all-night beer pong match. You can imagine their surprise when a plastered frosh emerges in the dark at 4:30 in the morning down from an 18 foot fence. i quickly explained that I HAD to party with them, and for some reason they were cool with that.

I ended up kicking ass at beer pong which rarely happens, flirting and hugging all the girls cause my mother used to play the Garth Brooks greatest hits CD all the time and i knew all the words and the girls did but the brothers didn’t, and then at about 6:30 I stumbled back to my dorm and blacked out in the elevator.

Next thing i know, I wake up in the bathtub, fully clothed (but dry), wearing my jacket, and my roommate (who doesn’t drink) is pissing in the toilet – i sort of clear my throat and he turns around, looks at me, gives me that, ‘I don’t know if I should be sorely disappointed and disgusted in your humanity or terrified cause you shocked the shit out of me’ look but I think he decided on mix of disappointed/disgusted at a 70/30 ratio respectively.

Apparently a friend found me in the elevator just a few minutes before the routine 8am security sweep, picked me up, and took me to my room, found my key in my pocket, dragged me in, and dumped me in the bathtub.

What a night!

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

I was on a date out in the park of my campus when I got a text from my roommate saying “I don’t want to ruin your night, but I have some bad news” I texted her “what?” and she just said “I’ll tell you when you get back.”

So at this point, I wrap up the date asap, and get back to my room to find out what happened. I walk in to the horrified face of my roommate and the following conversation takes place:

Her: “So…um…a girl from my sorority is an RA and was making rounds instead of ours because ours isn’t here. Well, I had to ask her something about our Easter egg hunt and she came into the room and saw your alcohol. She started to get bitchy about it and said she had to confiscate it because it was her ‘duty’ as an RA. We have to go to the dorm court tomorrow. I really don’t know what’s going to happen.”

Me: “OH…MY…GOD….”

So, I continue to freak out with my roommate, we look up the penalties for alcohol which include a fine, counseling, AND parental notification since we live in a dry dorm and are under 21. At this point, I’m about to just call my parents and confess because I know finding out from the school would be much worse, when my roommate says:

“Oh and one more thing…APRIL FOOLS!”

I look at the clock and it’s about 1 am, April 1st. Worst joke…ever.

Only in College…

From Jason:

I had just returned home from partying and was exhausted. At this point the only thing on my mind was going to sleep. The day had started around noon and it was now 3:30 in the morning. As I approach the door and reach into my pockets, it hits me… I have no keys. Now I lived in a really nice apartment that was three stories. When you open the front door you have to take a big flight of stairs up to the apartment. So it’s not like I could just pop open a screen or window and hop in. After going over my options (or lack thereof) I decided to make like a climber and scale the damn thing. Let me tell you, this was not a good idea. I realized this after I fell off the 2nd story and landed on the grass. I endured no broken bones but had a shit load of explaining to do when the cops showed up 5 minutes later and there I am on the 2nd story trying to pry open a window.

Only in College…