From Kneehall:

Ah, college. A time for partying, maturing, and growing as a person. Not to mention the binge drinking and the sex. But that was a given. It was going to be my first semester at college outside of the city, which in turn meant, my first time really apart from Louis. We’ve been best friends since we were 14 years old, and had always been there for each other. He was my Wingman, and now that he wasn’t around anymore, I had to handle the game on my own. How hard could it be?

My first college party, was the first weekend I was there. My buddy from one of my classes and I were walking around campus taking a tour for ourselves, when a couple of Frat guys came up to us and asked us if were looking for a party. They gave us the address and told us what time to show up. Needless to say, we didn’t turn this invitation down. We got there around 9 30 or so. We looked around, saw a massive amount of hot Sorority girls, along with 2 kegs. I turned to look at my boy and said, “You better have my back tonight. These girls travel in packs, gonna need your help talking to them.” He seemed to understand what I was talking about, and we proceeded to mingle. Oh how I love the thrill of the hunt.

We walked around a bit, introducing ourselves to the owners of the house, along with other members of the Frat. Now naturally, these Frat guys wanted to get us to pledge to their Frat, but I wasn’t having it. I was only there for the free beer, and the massive amounts of women. I wouldn’t be able to stand being someone’s “Tool” for 9 months. Way too much pride for that. Anyways, it wasn’t long till a familiar scent caught my attention. The smell of daddy issues, and insecurities. I turned my head and tried to investigate where the smell was coming from. A cute little blond girl with a really nice rack caught my attention. She was sitting in the corner of the couch, drinking a beer by herself with a fake smile on. Jackpot!

I went up to the couch, and took the seat next to her. I introduced myself with a joke, and got her attention. I remember her telling me her name, it was something exotic, she was European or something, however, for some reason I can’t seem to remember it at the moment. Might have something to do with the 8 beers I had already drank. Anyways, she seemed really into me, she was laughing at my jokes, touching me while we spoke, and was looking at me with those, “I wanna fuck you upside down” eyes. It was getting late, and she asked me to leave with her. Psht, how could I turn it down?

We got back to her room, climbed onto her bed, and just started going at it. Making out, I started unbuttoning her shirt, undoing her bra, but when I tried to navigate my fingers to the “Garden of Eden”, she freaked out. “Great”, I thought to myself. “Blue Balls.” Turns out she was on her period and couldn’t fuck. Even though she claims she wanted to. Whatever, I’ll settle for a blowjob.

It was mediocre at best, but I came, so I was happy. I got up, and went to the bathroom to clean up. As I was walking out, with my pants still by my ankles I might add, she began walking towards me. She put her hand on my waist, looked me in the eyes and asked if I wanted to sleep over. What is it about girls and wanting their one night stands to sleep over? Do they actually expect to cuddle? Because first of all, I hate cuddling. I’m a man, I need my space while I slumber. Since she was still in her underwear, it was little hard to say “No” right away, so I simply said “Maybe”, as she proceeded to go into the bathroom. I don’t know what it was, maybe the 8 beers I had, or the 4 shots of Tequila that made me do this next, but it just kinda happened. I ran, straight out the door, with my pants still at my ankles. Maybe I should rephrase that. I didn’t actually run, I waddled. It’s almost impossible to run with your pants at your ankles. I waddled straight down the halls, passed the RA’s desk, who might I add was still on duty. She didn’t say anything to me though. Maybe it’s something she’s used to seeing? Or maybe, she was so shocked that she had nothing to say? Whatever it was, she didn’t say a thing to me. I proceeded to run out the door of the dorm building, until I got outside, and felt my solider shrivel up. Yeah, I think it’s time to pull them back up.

I don’t think you can call that a walk of shame, more like a waddle of shame. Whatever you wanna call it, it was cold as fuck. Great start to my first weekend at college I would say.

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

I was a senior in college and it was my last semester so there was alot of parties going on around campus. One night my friends and I went to a frat that one of my guy friends was in. I was playing beer pong against a really hot guy that i had never met before. We started talking and drinking alot and the next thing I know we are drunkenly walking back to my house. We ended up hooking up and it was awesome. The next morning when we woke up he asked me if I could give him a ride home. I said sure and asked him where he lived. He told me he lived with his parents. It turned out the kid was 17 and still in high school. He was at the party because his cousin was in the frat and invited him. I was horrified because at the time I was 22. Needless to say, I’ve made it a point not to take guys home until I know how old they are, even if I have to card them.

Only in College…

From Anthony:

We all have that one “guy” in our class. You know, the one who always arrives drunk. Physically there but not mentally. The type of people who show up to class still wearing the clothes that they partied in the night before. Beer stains on his shirt, possible vomit on shoes. Eyes blood shot red, not from the marijuana but the excess alcohol and lack of sleep. In his head he believes he is the master of the spoken english language. However, what comes out of his mouth is something only a foreign monster from Star Wars could relate to. They attempt to finish their work that’s due at the beginning class, at the beginning of class. Ten minutes into it they start to drift off into the oblivion. First comes the heavy head and the droopy eyes. Slowly but surely gravity takes over and they start drifting downwards. Instincts take over. The hand supports the head. Two minutes later the hand slips away, free from its masters tyranny, and the head slams into the desk. I write this from my laptop, in class. Everything written has been a direct result of what this kid to my right is doing. I say this with great pride,

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

It wasn’t even a month into the start of the school year. It was my first year at a university, and this year will also be my first (again) due to way too much drinking. My school likes to think we like our football games, but in reality we watch about a quarter of the game before heading off to drink. So this day was not unlike all the other game days.

My buddy and I were pre-gaming the game at the ever-so-popular tailgate party. I think we lasted up until half way through the 2nd (which is probably the longest game we have watched) until we decided to go find a party.

We left and first house we got to was having a party, with tons of hot girls sitting around out front and beer pong in the driveway. We paid for the cup and walked to the backyard to be reminded it was mothers weekend also. There was a circle of moms around the keg, and after I was able to down ONE beer, they had already killed the keg. If this wasnt enough to stun me and my friend, the house owner had the balls to ask us for more money if we wanted another keg. After some choice words, we (and later everyone else) left.

We met up with an extremely hot friend of ours and went up the street to a party with her. We spent the afternoon there doing shots, pong, keg stands, and alot more ridiculous stuff. After learning a new game of chugging a full wiffle ball bat full of beer, spinning, and hitting some empty cans into a neighbors pickup truck bed (homerun), I learned of my friends plan to fake RA’s, and bust the freshman.

Being totally trashed my mind was screaming at me that this was a bad idea yet strangely enough my feet liked the idea and were already walking towards the freshman dorm. So I figured if the mind cant control the feet, fuck it. We started at the 18th floor working our way to the 4th (last with rooms). Busting any party we heard. We only had one RA badge so you have to picture 2 completely smashed kids trying to pose as figures of authority. Yet somehow after scaring the shit out of freshman you would be surprised how much alcohol they offer you. So after nearly doubling our alcohol content we decided to leave, and with good timing. Walking the stairwell down we had to explain to a REAL RA and COP that we were just heading out from our friends room (luckily we did know someone there). We learned that they were actually looking for us, guess not all the freshman were laughing about the ordeal.

So we started the long walk to his apartment, and ended up walking stright through another random party. This unattractive girl walking around with two bottles of alcohol offered us a drink. I grabbed the bottle and took a pull from it, then passed it to my bud. I was talking with the girl for a brief second when I looked up and somehow read my friends mind. He was stealing the bottle, and I knew I was stuck being the distraction. I grabbed the girl and made out with her until I saw him turn the corner (It’s not hard to convince yourself to kiss someone when ur this drunk). After a quick “gotta go,” I caught up with him and his new half empty bottle.

By now the sky let loose and the rain started. We were still on our walk to his place while taking pulls from the bottle. Out in the distance there was a door on some stands in the middle of campus. Some makeshift table but we saw bee pong table opportunity so it basically became my new umbrella until we made it to his place.

It’s really confusing when you wake up with a major hangover, a door laying on top of you, a RA badge on your shirt, an empty bottle of some fruity vodka, and a phone message from your own RA (also a friend) saying he had to go to a meeting in the morning about uping security due to fake RA’s going around, and somehow he knew I was involved.

We capped it off with Mcdonalds and Busch light.

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

A friend and I are spending a few weeks at my beach house in NC and decided to throw a party on a pier not to far from the house. First thing we did after our morning 12 pack was print up a bunch of flyers and pass them out to random people on the beach. The next step was to go and get some beer and JD seeing as how we made it a point on the flyers to bring a case and drink of choice it seemed only fair that we did the same. Around 7pm or so people started showing up and I mean a lot of them. After several hours had past and who knows how much alcohol, I look up and see a flag poll at the end of the pier with 2 lights on either side so that it formed a cross that stood about 15 feet above the pier (which was already about 20 feet off the water). Now I know what you are thinking and you are kind of right but that comes in a sec.

After sitting up there for about 5 min I call to my buddy who is sitting below me trying to mack on a group of girls to throw me a bottle of JD. After doing so and taking a few swigs I look to the end of the pier to see several squad cars on the road and about 20 cops making their way towards us. I call my friend’s name and point trying to stutter “cops.” He turns to see what I am pointing to and with out missing a beat yells “cops!!!” It is at this moment that everyone looks and panics. Finally some one dives over the side. Seeing this everyone starts to do the same. And here I am stuck up here on a fucking flag pole. My buddy yelled at me “jump you pussy” and finally gets me to leap off the flag pole into the water.

On the way down I stuck my thumb in the bottle of JD (can’t let that go to waste) just seconds before landing a great 40 foot belly flop (yeah it hurt). As I surface I here my friend say man that was sick (as if I didnt already know). As we float for a sec to get our bearings we look to the beach where everyone is already going and see more cops waiting for them to arrive, so we did what any smart intoxicated person would do, we swam out away from the beach in to open ocean in the middle of the night. After swimming about 200 yards we decide to swim for the beach house which is about a mile from the pier. As my buddy was swiming I just held on to his foot and continue to drink from the bottle of JD that I brought along for the ride and drunkly hum the theme to Jaws. After about an hour or so we arrive on the beach in front of the house and crawl acoss the sand and up the stairs to find 2 cops sitting in some chairs on the front deck.

It seems that while we were making the flyers that morning we were drunk enough to put our phone number and address in case anyone had any questions. It just so happend that someone was nice enogh to give one to the cops right after we had bailed off the pier. After telling them the story they decided to let us off with a fine as long as we promised not to do throw another party on the pier, but they didn’t say anything about a party at the house which we did the very next night. Lesson learned: the next time you are partying on a beach I recommend not doing a 40 foot belly flop cause its a good way to kill a buzz and your balls.

Only in College…

From MiggityMoe:

One night we were off campus at my buddy’s house where he was havin a party. This guy smoked some herb in his time, so he had a room in the house devoted to it. Me and a few of my buddies were up there smokin when one of my friends has to take a leak. He goes downstairs and comes back up like 30 seconds later freaking out and saying that the cops were there. I’m like, fuck you, I’ve had that one pulled on me plenty of times in college. Sure enough, the cops were there and one of them walked into this room. There was one way out, the doorway, and the cop was standing halfway inside it. He turned to call to one of his buddies to come see what he had found, us smokin, and when he turned his back, while he was still in the doorway, I sucked my gut in (i’m festively plump) and snuck by him, ran down the stairs, out the front door, and didn’t stop running until i dove into the back seat of my room mate’s car, which was moving on it’s way back to campus.

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

My first Halloween ever at UB was one to be forgotten. My friends and I decided to dress up and browse Main Street in Buffalo (as all of the side streets along main street have at least 5 or 6 house parties during the warm weather portions of the semester). Being poor college students, my friends and I have make-shift costumes. Mine happend to be a backstreet boy (an important fact) which everyone mistook for a gay guy. We each pounded a bunch of beers in our room and were on our way for the night. Once we got on mainstreet, we immediately found a party.

Ten drinks later, I decide to talk to the hot girl dressed up in an angel costume. To set the scene, the hot girl has another ok looking friend and one hideous, punk rock obese friend (to put it kindly). Now, my confidence level is usually rather low as I have always been nervous when it comes to talking with the opposite sex. On this night, however, I did a damn good job. The girl was into me, and things were going well. So what do I do? Seal the deal and try and bring her back? Smoothly get closer to her and eventually lock lips and let her see how I do it? Nope because this is me. Instead of doing those, I continue to drink to hopefully keep my confidence up. Problem is, I just became obnoxious, arrogant, loud, and…obnoxious.

Needless to say, she wound up talking to someone else the rest of the night. So what did I do? Kept drinking. Now, after this, I felt pretty shitty and was willing to tell anyone this within a 10 mile radius. One of these people happened to be her unattractive, larger friend this. Now, she was a nice person, but you have to have some physical attraction…and there was NONE there. Last thing I remember, I was at the bus stop and she put her arm around me…then its all a blur. I know what you are thinking…but no, I didn’t. As a matter of fact, I guess after I got off the bus I fled from her in terror (as a random eye witness from the bus who saw me at class told me). The story doesn’t end there. My roommate came back and found me passed out on my bed with my hand over my head in a distraut manner. However, the odd thing about it was I had downloaded and put on repeat “Show me the meaning of being lonely” by the BACKSTREET BOYS.

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

I was gearing up for graduation in two nights by packing up my dorm room when I got a call from an friend of mine. He had moved into his first apartment in Brooklyn (just across the water) and was throwing a BBQ. Now, NYU is not known as a party school like most other schools. There’s no campus really and the students tend to be pretty active in other things so they don’t resort to frats/sororities for fun. So, despite the occassional big party or night out at the clubs, we missed out on the usual drunken orgies I’d hear about from other schools.

This BBQ, however, was different. When I got there, they were serving this crazy drink called “Everglo” (some green liquor that’s a mix of vodka, tequila, and caffeine) and mixing it with Red Bull. I asked what it was, and they said “It’s EverGlo, Yo!” It went down easily since it was the middle of a May heatwave. After partying for a while, the ice started getting low as the party got more crowded. People started sitting in the kiddie pool that was being used as a giant beer cooler. The music was thumping and people were dancing crazy grinding dances.

I was getting tired, so I went out for air and ice, hoping the walk would sober me up. When I returned, a crowd of girls answered the door. They were all in their underwear and soaking wet. One girl took the ice bags from me and said “Thanks!” and just jumped my bones and gave me a big wet kiss on the mouth. I went back to the back-yard area and everyone was down to their underwear yelling “naked party!” over and over again. I was getting groped by several girls as I tried to make my way back to the kiddie pool to drop off the rest of the ice. When I got there, my friend (the party host) was in the pool with a naked girl making out like crazy. I’ve never seen anything like it. Whatever the heck is in that Everglo seems to get people to go crazy!

Only in College (NYU)…

From Anonymous:

One night, my friend Kate and I had to work at a fundraising party. we ended up serving this punch all night that tasted like there was nothing in it but I know for a fact that each batch (think cooler size) had 3 bottles of everclear in it, at least. Of course, by the end of the night, we were both so drunk we could barely walk.

I made sure she had a ride home and ended up going to another party, where I passed out. When I got home to my dorm room in the morning, someone had ripped the screen off my window and slept in my bed. I was kinda nervous and really pissed, but I just fell asleep. Later that afternoon, kate called to tell me what had happened. She ended up at home, and in her bed. She sleeps in a tank top and underwear (key fact here). At about 4 in the morning, she woke up on her fire escape on the fourth floor of her dorm. She couldn’t get in the building and had no phone, so she walked across campus in her underwear and broke into my room. I started leaving my windows unlocked all the time after that.

Only in College…

From Anonymous:

So the other night I started out drinking with a new girl from work. She leaves at around 6. I continued slamming beers until 8 when I headed to a fraternity house. I continued drinking in the parking lot. My brothers and I ended up setting the parking lot on fire since we were bored. they went to the bars, but I sat and continued drinking by myself. I soon ran out of beer. I had no money and am underage so I decided to walk to the closest apartment complex to find a party.

The gate was locked so I whipped out my knife and busted the lock. Cheap piece of s***. I see people gathered on the second floor. I walked up and started talking to one of the guys. Another said my name, I turned around and realized I knew him from highschool. Infact I knew half the people there. I drank more beer, party ends but I was not done. It was only 1 am.

I convinced a random girl to go to another party and bring me a beer since the guys were douches. She brought me a beer, party host threatened to kick my ass. My friend informed the host I am an ex-marine. Party host tried to take beer from me. Party host pulls back broken hand. I leave and find another party. Drink in random party until 3am, then went back to fraternity house. Brothers are back. We set parking lot on fire again. Police come. We tell them to fuck off, “we are cooking.” They say bullshit. I pull down my pants and moon police. I wake up in jail. Try telling your boss why you were late for work the next day

Only in College…

From Happy Guy:

I’ll do this brothermarcus style with the numbers. On a fall evening in a college campus in the Boston area:

1) Getting back from a full day of chemistry lab, I sit in the lounge to read an interesting book on the nature of time.

2) I am distracted by my friends yelling at me from outside, and I go to join them in smoking out of a hookah. My friend who set up the hookah is a nargillah master, and we have a scenic view, and there are a bunch of hot Turkish and French girls smoking hookah who we proceed to hit on.

3) My friend decided to get a shitload of alcohol and set up a private party in his room. We all proceed to get drunk.

4) Its about 12:00 and I’m really drunk and go outside for a smoke. A random, really really hot chick comes up to me and starts making out with me. The guy she is with comes up, and it turns out he is not her boyfriend but her friend. In any case, she turns around and begins puking, and I lose interest. But the group seems cool, and there are some other hot girls, so I invite them to the party.

5) At about 1:00, me and a couple of kids I just met go out to an abandoned dorm room to smoke. Coming out, we meet some chick who apparently has the hots for one of the guys with us, so she invites us back to her room, along with her hot Asian friend and several others, to listen to Israeli psy-trance and have her belly-dance for us, which she is apparently really good at.

6) We end up playing a game of strip-Jenga, where whenever someone knocks over the tower, their team have to remove an article of clothing. Within a couple of hours we are all naked and begining to play a giant game of naked spin the bottle.

7) The party just turns into a giant fuckfest, and we end up going to sleep at like 5 am. The hot Asian girl I was with has to get up to go on some trip or something at 6 am, so we wake up at 5:50, have a quicky, and I leave to head back to my dorm. Turns out I cant really find my clothes, so I end up walking back to my dorm, with only my boxers on and my shoes in my hand, in the cold October morning. I get back to my dorm, where, despite the fact that it is already light out, my roomates are still taking shots and there are some girls in the room. We hit on them, set off some firecrackers for some strange reason, run back to the room, smoke some weed, and fall asleep.

Quite possibly the most fun I’ve ever had in one night.

Only in College…

From R:

Last halloween, my friend throws a big house party, I have no idea how many people came and went because I started drinking 2 hours before everyone. It was a McDonald’s themed party because the week before some of his friends stole a McDonald’s sign that was down off the pole for repair. Yea, the ones that sits like 50ft up in the air. They had that in the backyard all light up.

Anyways, the party gets going big and there are all sorts of costumes. Long story short, after many shots and a keg stand where they dropped me and hit my head on the concrete and laughed at it. I ended up trying to sleep in my car but dropped my keys under my car and couldnt get in so I decided to fall asleep next to my car.

I woke up to two fire trucks on the street. I found out that the McDonald’s sign in the backyard caught on fire because we wired it up wrong, basically we took an extension cord cut it and spliced it together. Oops, maybe we shouldn’t have done that drunk.

Oh and I was the cat in the hat.

Only in College (Alabama)…