From Wako Kid:

It all started on thirsty Thursday, me and my friend decided we were going to get real fucked up. So we went to the liquor store and we bought a 12 pack of Michelob Ultra and a handle of the cheapest whiskey we could buy. When we got back to the dorms we started drinking and playing video games, I started to get a little drunk, and a little tired as well. Just as any good friend would do he called me a pussy and told me to fill up the beer bong with whiskey, and put some caffeine pills in the whiskey. Being the dumb ass that I am, I agreed to do this.

After drinking the end of my college career away out of a beer bong; my friend and I walked to the campus center. We went up stairs, and I stole the college banner and my friend stole a bible and threw it out a window after ripping it up. One of the RAs was in the campus center he came upstairs and wrote us up the first time. After having some choice words to say we left.

This is when we found out that security had been called. When we found this out we decided to run to a nearby park. We ran all the way to what we thought was a public park, but we were so drunk that we had stopped in someones backyard and sat in their play set. We chilled in the playset for 2 or 3 hours. When we left we decided we didn’t like the playset so we tipped that mother fucker over.

When we got back to school we decided that we had got in enough trouble for the night so we went to bed. Just to be woken up by our other crazy ass friends that had been at the bar all night. They ask us if we wanted to go smoke outside. I just couldnt say no and stayed in be, so we went outside to smoke, and right where we were smoking happened to be a bike rack with 2 bikes on it. One of my friends took one of the bikes and started riding it around campus. Then my other friend took the whole damn bike rack and threw it in the fucking trees with one bike still on it.

This is when the same RA came out and caught us destroying the bike that just happened to be his bike. My friend that had been riding the bike jumped off real fast and picked the damn bike up over his head, and started running down the street like a retard on cocaine.

This is when we finally did go to sleep. We woke up knowing we were in some deep shit. I was afraid to leave my dorm. I got a letter in the next week that said that I had to meet with the dean of students. I knew I was going to get in a shit load of trouble. When I went to the meeting he said that i had been wrote up 6 times that night and i needed to pack my bags and go home. I couldnt believe what had just happened.

So now i am a 18 year old homeless person living in my truck.

So you think you party hard!!!!

Only in College…

From Micheal:

My friends and I were tossing the football around on the beach. We had a 30 rack of beer with us, so life was good. Some good looking college girls were walking by and I tried to be the cool guy and make a spectacular one handed catch in front of them. In mid air I lost my balance and landed on my shoulder, dislocating it. Between my screams of agony I could hear their screams of laughter. I am never doing that again.

Only in College…

From Jacky:

Just 15 minutes ago, a guy wearing a batman mask came streaking through our library. He just ran around our floor, yelling and screaming, and ran out the exit door. I wish I had my camera, I tried taking it with my phone, but he was moving too fast.

Only in College…

From Tom:

This happened last Thursday night. My roommates and I were about to go out for one of my roommate’s bday. I was just checking out my syllabuses to see when my final exam dates and times were. There was this class that I haven’t went to for a couple of weeks, “April 17th: Presentations.” Our class had only 15 students, and it only met once a week for 3 hours. I turned my outline in a couple of weeks ago, but I thought the presentations weren’t until next week. I scrambled for the Presentation Guidelines, “20-25 minute speech…25% of Final Grade.” I never went to class to pick up my graded outline. F***. At this point, my roommates were yelling my name, telling me to hurry up. I chugged the rest of my beer and went into the living room to tell them the bad news. They gave me shit, so I explained to them the situation. At last, we came to a conclusion, I’ll go out for 2 drinks, then I’m going straight to the library.

Well, 2 drinks turned into 4 drinks, 4 drinks turned into 6…before I know it, it was bar time and I was drunk as a skunk. I proceeded drunk to our 24HR library, went to the computer lab, opened my outline file…woke up with the librarian taping me on the shoulder. She asked me if I was alright. I told her everything was fine, and that I was just taking a nap. I looked at the time, 9:06AM. F***, my class started at 8AM. At this time, I was panicking, should I email the prof? Should I go to class? Should I tell my roommates to hit me with one of their cars?

I decided to go to class. I walked into the classroom, one of my classmates was in the middle of giving a presentation, I took a seat in the back. Along with one of the worst hangovers in my lifetime, I was in no shape or form to give a 20 minute presentation about a subject I had not deeply researched into. After the classmate’s presentation, my professor came over and asked me if I was okay, she said I looked like I zombie. Immediately, I thought this was my chance, I told her I ate a fast food restaurant (drunk eating) before heading out to the library to finish up my presentation. I had to go to the bathroom a numerous of times throughout the night, and that I ended up taking a nap longer than I anticipated, and that’s why I was late to the class.

Surprisingly, she bought my story! She said I should go home to get some rest, and that I can do my presentation next week!

Only in College…

From Jason:

My buddy and I were walking back from an exhausting lab. We had a few hours to kill and found ourselves at the bar. We had both gotten paid a few days earlier so we decided to go all out. We killed 8 pitchers over the course of two hours. We had another course together in the afternoon. Rather than skipping it, we decided to go drunk. We don’t remember much, but some friends of ours gave us a great recap of the events that transpired.

“You guys got kicked out of the class twenty minutes into it.”

“Why”

“Dude the two of you would NOT stop screaming the lyrics to the ‘I’m on a Boat!’ song”

Only in College…

From S:

12 fake ids, 2 arrests, 1jail stay, $650 worth of drinking tickets, 2 drinking classes, 1244324134534123424 blackouts, a code violation, academic probation, and 6 great years of underage drinking but in ONE WEEK i will finally be 21..

Only in College…

From Andy:

For April Fool’s, one of my roommates decided to sneak into my room in the middle of the night and changed all my clock times; computer, watch, alarm, and my phone. Cut things short, I ended up missing my class thanks to an hour difference.

My roommate never went to one of his classes. So for payback, I decided to steal his syllabus for that class and typed an exact copy up but with the upcoming exam dates two days earlier than it was suppose to be. He studied his butt off the night before the “exam,” but only to find out the next day he didn’t have one.

Only in College…

From Tony:

The first day of class, one of the first things my economics professor asserted was all the exam dates were non-negotiable. He did not care if you had a funeral to go to, receiving a liver transplant, exam conflicts, or if you were an athlete. The agenda for the class is final. I had no problem with it because I did not have any conflicts with any of the exam dates.

It was finals week, the whole semester went along smoothly. I love pulling all nighters at the library to study for exams; I do it for almost every exam. This economics final was no different. I usually just study up until the exam, give myself half an hour break to relax before the exam. For some reason, extreme fatigue kicked in, it was 5am, the exam was at 8, so I told myself I’ll power nap for two hours. Cut things short, I slept through my alarm, woke up at 9. Sprinted to my exam place like Michael Johnson, got there at 9:05, had only 55 minutes to complete a two hour exam. I never finished, I tried to explain to the professor what happened. He didn’t buy it, I had a B going into the final, I ended up with a D.

Only in College…

From Lee:

My girlfriend and I decided to walk to Pizza Shuttle to get a pizza. On the way back, a homeless man approached us, giving us the story he was down on his luck etc. etc. He said he only had $2 and was desperately hungry.

Wanting to looking like the sweet caring boyfriend, I opened my wallet to give him a few dollars. The minute my wallet was open, he looked in, grabbed a $20, opened the box of pizza, and grabbed a slice. He was gone before I could comprehend what happened.

I’m $50,000 in debt, and he added $20 to that, plus helped himself to my pizza.

At least my girlfriend got a laugh out of it.

Only in College…

From Sister Love:

One of my sorority sisters was dating my ex-boyfriend. Not being happy about the situation, I decided to buy a smoking new dress for our sorority formal.

To take the extra step in making sure I looked better then her, I placed hair coloring dye in her leave in conditioner, and tanning lotion in her regular lotion.

She was a no show for the formal, and she is still too stupid to figure out what happened.

Only in College…

From Cher:

After a few months in college, my friends and I had established a pretty good routine of getting wasted every Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, and sometimes other nights. Being that half our party nights were weeknights, a lot of boozing happened right in the dorms.

One night following a nice powerhour, my roommate had the brilliant idea that cable costs should be included in our tuition given you pay a lot to attend a private school. She says she’s going to email the president of the university and tell her this new scheme, and we all crack up laughing.

The next day, my roommate gets an email from the president of our college thanking for her innovative suggestion. Not only did my roommate email the school president at 3am, but signed the email “Love you, Suse!”

We never did get free cable.

Only in College…

From Jordan:

Back in freshman year our dorm RA was a complete tool. I don’t want to get into the specifics of why he was, so just take my word for it. Anyhow, my dorm mates and I caught him coming home completely wasted. He walked by our doors mumbling something stupid, and drooling from his mouth. He had the stupid drunk look that people get when they are hammered. It is fair to say he looked like a cross between Java the Hut and the Elephant man at the time. It was quite the scene I tell you. After a few more games of Halo, my friends and I were on our way to another dorm mates room when we noticed Mr. RA passed out in the middle of the hall. … Opportunities like these are hard to come by. Carpe Diem I say, seize the moment!

Something was surely going to be done.

We phoned one of our girlfriends to bring over her fairy Halloween costume. It was one of those two piece silver costumes: short skirt, skimpy top, and two beautiful wings and a fairy rod. We’ve all seen girls dressed in this costume. If you don’t have a mental image in your head, google fairy costumes.

With great caution we removed his pants and shirt, and replaced them with the fairy skirt and top. He looked so cute in it, his mother would be so proud! Then we rolled him over and attached the wings with some duct tape. To top it off we put the rod in his hands. Then we had our girlfriend apply some lipstick and mascara. After some deliberation we decided that he really needed some painted fingernails to really complete his look.

I shit you not, he woke up the next morning in the same stupid spot, to the entire dorm hall laughing hysterically at his stupid self. He had no idea he was in a fairy suit. It was hilarious watching his facial expression going from “WHAT THE F*CK” to “WHAT THE F*CK IM IN A FAIRY COSTUME F*CK MY LIFE.” He received a standing ovation and round of applause from the entire hall. The worst part about it was the fact that he had an RA meeting that very morning. He fell asleep in his bed, with the costume still on, only to be woken up a few hours later by other RA’s who were checking up on him because he was absent from the mandatory meeting. It was a fabulous day.

His nickname is “Fairy,” and we love it.

Only in College