From Versak:

At the Mirage. Drinking Jack Daniels with college friends in hotel room. More college friends show up. More Jack Daniels drinking. Friend offers a ride to the Palms. Friend is drinking Jack Daniels? Friend is not drinking Jack Daniels. We drink more Jack Daniels. Friend drives drunk friends to the Palms. Two of us get into the Playboy club. Other friends and driver leave and are not seen again. Make it to the roof of the Playboy club. Drinking more Jack Daniels. Dancing with models who drink my Jack Daniels. Give my hotel key to the models. Lose my friend. Panic. Rush out of Playboy club. Stumble out of the Palms. Get a taxi to the Mirage. Taxi does not accept plastic. Show taxi driver empty wallet. Get pulled out of taxi by taxi driver. Get dragged by ear and neck through the Mirage by taxi driver. Get forced to remove $80 from the ATM for taxi driver. Remove $40 from the ATM for taxi driver. Tell taxi driver to go fuck himself. Enter the Beatles club alone. Drink more Jack Daniels. Buy Jack Daniels shots for girls I don’t know. Girls I don’t know turn out to be hookers. Hookers want to know me. I don’t want to know the hookers. Head to hotel room. Realize I do not have a key. Elevator bouncers pick a fight. Blackout.
The end.

Only in College…. and Vegas

From Matt:

During first semester of college this year (and also my first semester) I lived it up as a bit of a man-whore. There was this girl on my floor who had a friend from out of town that came to visit a couple of times, and each time we ended up hooking up in some varying way.

One night, we were both drunk as shit leaving this party. She had to leave back to her school the next morning, and wasn’t coming back to my place, so we decided to drunkenly make out on a street corner in way of saying goodbye. Well she was working on my neck, trying to be sexy, when suddenly I gasped in pain. Evidently she was going for the coy bite, but in reality she was gnawing on my neck, specifically at my jugular. I pulled her away, but it was too late, I was bleeding from my neck. Luckily the fucking artery wasn’t punctured. Jesus.

Only in College…

From Cody:

Two years ago I lived in a 3 bedroom apartment with two of my buddies. It was a Friday night, and a few of their friends from high school decided to come to Fort Collins and get wasted with them. I forget the reason, but I wasn’t drinking that night.

I go to bed around midnight, completely sober, as my roommates and their buddies are excessively drinking, which to say, is normal in college.

It had to be around 2 a.m. or so, when the Bromance began.

I was sound asleep until I woke up to see my door wide open, with the light coming from the hall illuminating a human figure… Once my eyes adjusted, I realized it was one of my roommates friends. He had the wobbly swerve going on. He was like a capsized boat mere seconds away from sinking.

He took two steps toward my bed.
Took his shirt completely off. Threw it down.

Took his belt off. Tossed it away.
Dropped his pants, left em on the floor.
Took his shoes off.

Placed his cell phone on my dresser.
All the while I’m like “DUDE WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU DOING!”

As if that’s not bad enough, this guy had the audacity to crawl into MY bed with nothing but his boxers on. He turned his back to me, grabbed MY comforter, and pulled it up to his neck. He then curled up into a ball, with his back to me; a short four inches away from my now devirginized soul.

I did not know this guy, at all. The only thing I knew about this odd creature is that he went to high school with my roommates. I jumped out of bed faster than Michael Phelps clears a bong rip and ran into the living room to tell everyone what happened. By this point, I was laughing hysterically.

They literally had to drag him across the floor, back into the living room, and put his clothes back on.

Only in College…

From KrazyKyle32:

It was during one of our boring economic courses. Another lecture, as usual. My buddy and I had been out late the previous night. Consequently we could barely keep our eyes open let alone pay attention to the lecture. Our professor is evil, and his class is structured in such a way that he will randomly call on people to answer a question. As you all know, this can be a very nerve wracking experience if you aren’t prepared for it.

Well you probably know where this story is headed. The professor called on my friend, and to be honest we didn’t have the slightest clue. My buddy had cock blocked me the previous day so I felt it was only fair to get him back. He was practically asleep when the teacher called on him. He snapped to attention and realized that the teacher was waiting for an answer, along with the rest of the class.

Under my breath I muttered, “Micheal Jackson’s dance moves were influenced by the early Persian empires lower class.”

WORD FOR WORD HE REITERATED, “Micheal Jackson’s dance moves were influenced by the early Persian empires lower class.”

THE WHOLE CLASS ERUPTED IN ABSOLUTE LAUGHTER, INCLUDING MYSELF.

The Professor gave him one of those, “You’ve got to be kidding me looks” and then called on somebody else.

Lesson learned, don’t mess with ze kyle!

Only in College…

From Eddy the dance all star:

It was finals week and I had been studying like crazy all day. I desperately needed a break to keep me sane, so my lights went down as the music volume rose up. I was dancing to some music when this girl who I had the hots for came by unexpectedly and barged into my room while I was in the middle of a fairly advanced dance move. I was embarrassed, and she was laughing hysterically.

Only in College…

From Micheal:

I wrecked my car during college. I could make up some elaborate story to convince everybody that it wasn’t my fault… but it was.

I happened to be driving in front of a sorority house… while a gazillion of them were tanning on the front lawn. My eyes were transfixed on the girls, and not the road in front of me. Let’s just say it was the first time I ever rear ended somebody.

I didn’t score too many points with the girls either.

Only in College…

From Paul L:

It was a lively Saturday night and I had just gotten home from the bars. It was really late at night, or early in the morning (Whichever floats your boat) and I was ready to crash. I walk upstairs, somehow remember to brush my teeth, and then head into my room. The lights were off, I could not see much. I jumped onto the top of my bed. Picture me spreading my arms and legs in mid flight, anticipating a safe landing onto my comfy bed.
Right?
Wrong.

I landed on somebody. I screamed “WTF!” and got so startled that I fell off of my bed and bruised a rib
on the crash landing. I scratched my eyes in disbelief and turned on my room lights. Low and behold, one of our neighbors, a gal, was in my bed. I tried waking her up, but she was a heavy and I mean HEAVY sleeper. Nothing would even phase her. I shook her, screamed in her ear, blasted music, and even splashed cold water in her face. All to no avail.

Fed up, sleepy, and irritated, I grabbed her by one leg and literally pulled her off of my bed. Don’t worry, I made a nice sleeping arrangement for her on the floor… Two pillows and a blanket.
There was no way she was stealing my bed. And I don’t want to hear comments about trying to hook up with her.. she was PASSED OUT.

Well, my roommates heard the commotion going on in my room and came in. They could not believe what they saw, and would not let it go unpunished. When morning came, she had been antiqued at least three times.
(Antiquing = throwing flour on their face)

She woke up the next morning embarrassed, and rightfully so. I on the other hand had to work for a good nights sleep in my own bed.

Only in College

From Sean:

Sooo, I thought I’d share my favorite story. It was my Uncle’s 50th birthday and all my friends in Seattle came to it, huge party. Anyways, I have this friend Jason who is notorious for blacking out. The party goes all night, great f’ing time… by about 4a.m. we are all passed out at my house, but my uncle and Jason thought they’d see who was the better man and who could stay up and drink longer. My uncle is a crazy Peruvian who I’ll never bet against. So they stay up drinking pisco shots (ultimate black out liquor) and my uncle said at around 4:30 Jason goes outside to puke. My uncle eventually passed out. As for Jason, after puking, he walked into what he THOUGHT was my house. Instead he went through my neighbors side door, stumbled down the stairs, and somehow found their guest room. When he woke up, he had that feeling that he knew something was wrong. He knew he wasn’t at my house because of the weird decorations and the brown and yellow paint in the room. But he still didn’t really know what was going on, but knowing my family, he thought that we were nice enough to put him in a bed. So he found the stairs, walked up to a family that was eating breakfast, and said (while grabbing a piece of bacon), “Hey guys, I just wanted to thank you for the hospitality and I appreciate all that you’ve done, last night was really fun and it was nice to meet you.” Haha, the dad yelled, “who the F are you?” and ran to get his gun and told him to get the fuck out of his house and to never show his face again. Obviously Jason was really confused at this point and knew his best option was to leave… but not before the tension of their dad grabbing a gun made Jason puke all over their kitchen floor. Haha from there, he ran as fast as he fucking could to the park down the street before he called me and obviously the neighbors came to my house and told my parents the whole story, and we had to go sit there and listen to the wife (who was an alcohol counselor) lecture us about how we should only drink 1 beer per week because we are alcoholics. All this with the most pounding headache ever.

Only in College…

From Edor:

So I hate surprises, but I must admit my roommates got me pretty good for my birthday last year. When opening gifts, I had gotten some interesting, ugly, tacky clothes, thinking to myself “What the hell? Do my roommate think I’m a trashy ho?” and on the outside smiling “um thanks guys, these are really nice.” I am surprised my roommates kept it together without cracking up, but when we got home the keg sitting on the balcony made it apparent something was up. After some harassing for my terrible lies, the theme of trailer trash was revealed and the party got hopping. I woke up the next morning completely disoriented and went down stairs. Everyone was laughing. Finally I was like, “What!?” A giant hicki had appeared covering the majority of the left side of my neck – the trashy cherry on top to a trailer trash night of fun! Just in time for breakfast with the family – awesome!

Only in College

From JMak:

Drunk texting/calling is usually is hit or miss. I was at the bars as usual on a Wednesday night thanks to cheap wings and half off drinks. I ended up texting “Megan.” She was at the library and was about to go back to her place. I volunteered myself to walk her back to her place because I wanted her to get home safely. So I left my friends (something I do often when I am drunk, and walked to the library to pick her up.

I don’t remember the walk, or how the events came to be, but we ended up in her room. Her roommate was asleep (yea, don’t know why she had a roommate). But we ended up messing around with her roommate 10 feet away. I am pretty sure she heard us.

Only in College…

From Jay:

It was the biggest drinking day of the year. I love Halloween; it’s the time of the year where girls are allowed to wear anything they desire without being called the S word. I am not a big Halloween person because I hate trying to find a costume. I did not want to spend any money, so I decided to just dress up as nerd: glasses, plaid shirt and tight jeans found at the bottom of my closest. Oh, and I found some suspenders too, so that was pretty cool. So after the entire pre-gaming ordeal, my roommates and I went to this house party. It was there I met these two girls; they were attached at the hips. They were dressed up as angels (yea, I know, screaming for attention). It was probably the intense amount of alcohol they had but they found my costume very creative and unique. I guess I fit the costume because I am Asian. At this point of the night, I was a completely inebriated human being thanks to the double-digit amount of shots I had before even stepping out of my apartment. I can’t recall if they invited me to go to the bathroom with them or if I invited myself. But either way, I ended up being the judge on who gave better “enjoyment.”

Only in College…

From Kenneth:

My co-worker and I have been flirting for quite some time now, but the other night we finally did something about it. After a-baring at friends, she came back to my place. We did the whole routine “thing” and then gave me a goodbye kiss before leaving. It tasted weird…I do not remember her tasting like at the beginning of the night. I accompanied her to her car and immediately went back to bed. But…my bed was wet, and it smelled, I turned the light on. I couldn’t believe it; she puked on my bed while we were going at it. I turned off the lights and went to sleep in the living room’s futon.

Only in College…