From Anonymous:
Last weekend, I woke up to a combination of pounding and door bell ringing. I answered the door semi hungover to my parents standing in front of me. I don’t think they were too please to see me in my hungover state of mind. They asked me what was on my forehead. I said, “I don’t know.” They told me to go take a look. I went into the bathroom to find out OWNED was written on my forehead.
Only in College…
From Steve’s friend:
Steve and his friends were out at a bar one Saturday night. We saw a police patrol car was parked outside a local neighborhood bar in Minnesota waiting for drunk drivers as they often did. Late in the evening, the officer saw Steve leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. Steve stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly watching. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, Steve managed to find his own car which he fell into.
He was there for a few minutes as a number of other peeps left the bar and drove off. Finally, Steve started his car, switched the wipers on and off even though it wasn’t raining, flicked the flasher on and off, beeped the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the car forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as more people at the bar, including half-wasted me and my friend. At last Steve pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the street. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a Breathalyzer test. To his amazement the Breathalyzer indicated no evidence that Steve was drunk at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, “I’ll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This Breathalyzer equipment must be broken.” “I doubt it,” said Steve. “Tonight I’m the designated decoy.”
Only in College…
From Anonymous:
My buddies and I were celebrating the end of the school year at his house with some cheap wine. “George” was all proud of himself because he bought the champagne with 12.5% instead of 12% alcohol for the same price. Anyways, we’re hanging out and these stupid chicks, they wouldn’t drink the champagne so I had to drink it for them. I got into a fight with my friend “Erik” when he came in the door, I randomly karate kicked and broke a lava lamp, and showed the other normal signs of someone obliviously drunk.
All of a sudden I get a phone call from this hot chick I had wanted to bone for the last three weeks so I am adamant on driving over there. My friends mention that there is a police checkpoint down the road so I’d better not risk it, but I don’t really give a fuck so I head out the door. On the way out I finished off the last bits of a bottle of champagne. My friends locked the door behind me as they shouted out claims to my stereo and other personal belongings in case I was in a fatal accident.
Long story short, I am driving along drunk as fuck and I hit a curb going like 40mph and got a flat tire. I kept driving pissed off and worried contemplating driving on the freeway anyway. People were yelling on the side of the road that I had a flat tire and sparks were coming off my rims or whatever. Eventually, I decided to turn off the road and park. I started to cry a little bit like a bitch I know and I called up the chick to tell her what happened. She came to my rescue and we fucked the rest of the night. The next day I found out I had stopped one block before the police checkpoint. I didn’t get a DUI and I got laid. God loves drunk drivers.
Only in College…
From Anonymous:
So I met this really hot guy at his fraternity. We started hanging out a lot (drunkenly) and one night very early into our relationship I went home with him. I was quite clearly blacked out because the only thing I remember is after we hooked up he left to go to the bathroom and jokingly said “don’t throw up while I’m gone.” I laughed and then the next thing I remember is waking up in the middle of the night laying naked in my own puke in his bed, and seeing him curled up in a ball in his doorway sleeping. We are now dating.
Only in College…
From Anonymous:
So we were celebrating my friend Jim’s 21st birthday a week in advance on his neighbor’s roof. We used to climb up there all the time and kick it late at night because his neighbor was only there like once a month. It turns out tonight was the night he was getting back. I guess he drove up and parked across the street and when he saw six kids on his roof he freaked out and called the cops. We saw a police car drive up slowly and everyone grabbed the beer and quickly hopped off the roof to leave.
Only problem was, I tripped on my jump down and fell flat on my face on the lawn. I was pretty drunk so I barely wanted to get up at that point. Jim stuck around like a true homey would and tried to get me to hurry up, but by then it was too late and the flashlights were in our eyes. It was only one old cop dude. He took a beer from Jim and then pointed at a half full pitcher of old stale beer we had left near the house a couple days before and told me to pick it up. I stumbled over to it and handed it to him. Just as he started saying “I know you kids aren’t 21…” Jimbo hit the beer pitcher onto the cop and we ran as fast as we could. It was fucking awesome! If I hadn’t followed Jim I don’t know what I would have done though because the world was spinning like crazy. We ended up crouched in some bushes until the morning and watched the police car drive by twice. Then, I puked my brains out.
Only in College…
From Anonymous:
Ok, so its exam week, everybody is stressed out except for me and about 5 other wasters! The night before one of my friends exams, he decided not to study but to go for a couple of beers at the school pub. That was his first mistake. Several pints of beer and an unknown number of shots later we decide it probably time we should leave…exams and all that. However on the way the guy in question (let’s call him Paul because his name is Paul) decides to go to the off license for some hard liquor. That was his second mistake.
Long story short, after several hours of serious drinking I awoke to a lot of laughter. I went to see what was happening and there was Paul, shirtless in the bath with his hair partially shaved and colored in with black permanent marker, with full beard and pirates style eye patch. As if that wasn’t enough one of the more artistic guys in the group drew an uncanny likeness of Che Guevara on his back along with the usual unimaginative drunken scrawlings of put dick here, swastikas etc. So the guy wakes up 40minutes before his exam starts covered in permanent marker, and still basically drunk. I’m not certain but I think this might have something to do with him washing cars these days.
Only in College…
From Anonymous:
So the other night I started out drinking with a new girl from work. She leaves at around 6. I continued slamming beers until 8 when I headed to a fraternity house. I continued drinking in the parking lot. My brothers and I ended up setting the parking lot on fire since we were bored. they went to the bars, but I sat and continued drinking by myself. I soon ran out of beer. I had no money and am underage so I decided to walk to the closest apartment complex to find a party.
The gate was locked so I whipped out my knife and busted the lock. Cheap piece of s***. I see people gathered on the second floor. I walked up and started talking to one of the guys. Another said my name, I turned around and realized I knew him from highschool. Infact I knew half the people there. I drank more beer, party ends but I was not done. It was only 1 am.
I convinced a random girl to go to another party and bring me a beer since the guys were douches. She brought me a beer, party host threatened to kick my ass. My friend informed the host I am an ex-marine. Party host tried to take beer from me. Party host pulls back broken hand. I leave and find another party. Drink in random party until 3am, then went back to fraternity house. Brothers are back. We set parking lot on fire again. Police come. We tell them to fuck off, “we are cooking.” They say bullshit. I pull down my pants and moon police. I wake up in jail. Try telling your boss why you were late for work the next day
Only in College…
From Anonymous:
I went to the bars last night. I ran into my identical twin’s ex-boyfriend from high school. He didn’t realize I was the twin and asked me out. Once he figured out I was the other twin things cooled down. I turn around and run into another ex of my sisters…he asked me out too. Seems the only way I can get a date here is to pretend to be my sister.
Only in College…
From Tim:
So, I’m currently in the middle of nowhere. My friends and I decided to go a little crazy this summer. We figure out where we wanted to go by throwing a dart at a map on the United States. After hitting Texas we made a map of Texas and threw a dart at it. The nearest city to the dart was Crystal City, Texas so that’s where we were going to go (and did). Turns out it’s the “Spinach Capital of the World.” I don’t even like Spinach.
Only in College…
From Anonymous:
This summer, I decided to treat my girlfriend to Europe. The idea was to travel on the cheap, aka backpacking. We get to a romantic little B+B, check in and go up to the room. After we un-pack, she realizes there is a shared bathroom. Next thing I know, there’s an hour of sobbing, 20 different issues emerge and by the time I’m done, we had to sneak out of the hostel and book a room at a much more expenive place. Can you imagine when I tell her we’re going camping??
Only in College…
From Anonymous:
I went to Atlantic City with my friends. On the way back we stopped in a reststop off the turnpike. I went into the bathroom and was standing in line. There was a very large woman at the sink who had a walker. She was probably about 55 or so. All of the suddenI see her pants and underwear fall down. Think thing that hadn’t buttened her pants and she didn’t realize they fell down. I started to walk towards her.
All of the sudden she whips out a toilet scrubbing brush. You know, the white kind with the hole in the middle. She starts washing the brush in the sink with soap and all a the sudden, she starts scrubbing herself in ALL AREAS! Everyone was in shock…the girl behind me threw up as the woman continued to wash the brush in the sink and continued once again to scrub herself in that area.
She then wrapped the brush in a plastic bag, pulled up her pants and walked slowly out of the rest stop with the brush leaving a trail of wetness behind. This was without a doubt the most disturbing, disgusting, and confusing thing I have ever seen.
Only in College…
From Anonymous:
If you ever visit Tijuana, Mexico please hide your money. You will be stop by the Tijuana police and they will rob you. HIDE your money. My two friends and I were robbed by police and they told us if we say anything they will arrest us. Be careful and have good trip.
Only in College…
